Stranger
by DarkWriterXX94
Summary: Beca is making a documentary for her film class about gender dysphoria. However in her quest to find people to interview, Beca stumbles upon something surprising. Unbeknownst to her, she knows someone who's transgender. Someone she would have never expected. AU. Gender dysphoria and transgender issues. Mitchsen. Cover art by me.
1. Truth Uncovered

Aubrey stood in front of the full length mirror in just her underwear and bra. It's been a long time since she had looked at herself in its entirety. She looked over her body surprised that she somewhat liked what she saw, a feeling she hadn't felt in such a long time. Unfortunately her happiness was short lived and overshadowed by the dysphoria she felt at _it_ in her underwear. Her hands warily went out to cover _it_ hoping that for a second she could pretend that it wasn't there. Much to her dismay, tears began to fall from her eyes, landing on her cheeks.

_No one will ever see you as real woman with _that_ thing between you r legs_

She started to cry a little harder, believing every word she thought. She would never be a real woman if she still had a penis and she knew it. It was the reason why she had never had a girlfriend, it was the reason she had never had sex and it was the reason she would be alone forever.

"Aubrey, I need to use the bathroom." She could hear Chloe on the other side of the door cry out in annoyance.

"Ok. Just give me a minute." She responded startled at the sudden voice.

Quickly putting on her clothes and wiping away the tears, she opened the door, Chloe storming past her and immediately walking to the toilet.

She grabbed her bag and her coffee,

'_Hopefully my dysphoria isn't that bad today.'_

* * *

"Chloe, you know I'm going to need your help on this project since you're super awesome at psychology." Beca stated, walking into the dorm the redhead shared with Aubrey. She looked around the apartment, slightly disappointed that the blonde wasn't there. Ever since Chloe had finally gotten her to admit to herself that she was attracted to the blonde, Beca tried discreetly to find ever chance to be around the blonde.

"Fine, but I'm going to take a bath first." She called from the bathroom leaving Beca alone in the apartment. With a loud huff, she fell back onto the couch, pulling her laptop out of its bag along with the printout of instructions for her paper.

"How in the hell am I going to document the human condition and gender dysphoria?" she asked to no one in particular. She wished she had been assigned something easier, like drug addiction or teen pregnancy, but she knew her film teacher hated her and wanted to make her life as difficult as possible.

"Ok, I guess I should start with Google…gender dysphoria." She typed into the search engine, waiting as thousands of results popped up instantly. She read through several articles about the topic, including the ever so helpful Wikipedia page. After learning a great deal about what it actually was, she still had no idea of how she was going to depict that in film. Then she had the idea of looking on YouTube and seeing if there were already films about it. She scrolled the page, coming upon a video entitled "Suffering" by _TheStrangerThatIsMe._

Clicking on the thumbnail, she put on her headphones as the video loaded. On the screen appeared a little boy with blonde hair, sitting on his bed, the camera facing him.

"Hi everyone, this is the first, and probably my last video that I'll ever make. I'm making it for all those people that made me hate myself including all you assholes at school, my father—my mother. The therapists that said I'm just confused…I'm making this video so that you all know how much you've made me suffer…how much I still suffer. ..I h-hate that I'm only 15…I hate that I've had to deal with _this_ since I was young. And what hurts the most is that being 15 in Georgia, there's nothing I can do about it to stop my dysphoria…what really gets to me the most is that my facial hair is constantly growing and no matter how much I shave it, it still grows back." At this point in the video, the boy began to harshly pull on his facial hair in anger, disgust obvious on his face. Beca looked over at the bathroom to see if Chloe was coming before hitting play on the video once again.

"I also hate how my voice just seems to be getting deeper every day, like my body is trying to spite me…" he looked down from the camera for a few seconds, composing himself and trying not to cry.

"As you can see, I started growing out my hair… of course my dad bitched about it, saying I looked like a fag…but I don't care. I don't even know why I let him convince me to cut it in the first place …but I really needed to get on his good side so that I could convince him to finalize the papers so that I receive the first half of my trust when I turn 18, that way I can finally get top surgery…putting on that suit and that stupid cologne, and that tie…" he explained, his hands going to his neck as if he could feel an imaginary tie choking him.

"I just hate it… but I had to do it because I _need_ that money. I mean, let's be honest here, in order to fight this, to truly fight this dysphoria, you need money. And at 15, I don't have any money, at least none of my own. Another downside to be a young trans-girl is that you're still in school. High school is that time in your life will you will be judged by others the most…like the majority of the most dickhead assholes you'll meet are in high school. Luckily, for me, I get to graduate early. But it still sucks because on a daily basis I'm looked down on by the typical asshole bullies and called 'sissy' or 'fag'. Yeah, I guess bullies add to this dysphoria. And to make it worse, no matter how early I graduate, I still have a long way to go before I get the body I want—I mean, I'm not on hormones, and I still have that constant reminder between my legs. And I'm so far away from top surgery, it's ridiculous. I think the only good thing in my life, uh, transition wise—sorry I'm getting emotional—is the fact that my mom knows, but then again she doesn't even talk to me about it. Instead she sends me straight to therapy" Beca felt herself begin to tear up at seeing him start to cry and shake with emotion.

"I mean, I guess I'm sort of androgynous, and I usually have long hair… but emotionally I get hurt way to easily by this shit… I mean-it fucking hurts. It really does…and it hurts even more when you're constantly reminded of it by everyone in your life. I've been waiting and working my ass off so that I can finally leave these people that have been constantly harassing me and beating me…it's all just finally over…I just wish graduation would just hurry… for all you girls out there that look in the mirror and bitch and moan about not fitting in your size 2 jeans, fuck you! I can't even look in the mirror anymore. I can't even look at myself and see one thing I like about myself and that is so difficult to deal with. The emotional and psychological toll it takes on me and other trans people like me is fucking unreal and none of you have any idea how much it hurts. The reason I'm even making this video because all of you think I'm just confused or acting out or-or a fag or a sissy, I just want you to know how much this shit is hurting me. How much I really hate myself. It's two weeks before graduation and on the last day of school I'm going to send this to all of you that constantly point out the things I already hate about myself…I'm going to send this to you because I want you to know that I'm not going to let you keep me from being happy. When school ends I'm leaving this homophobic transphobic town and I'm going to be happy…" he continued to cry, looking everywhere but at the camera, picking at stray yarn in his bed comforter

"I just don't want to continue being hurt by my gender, ya know? I just want to be happy with myself, ya know. To dad, I just want you to know how much you've contributed to my depression. With you whole 'if at first you don't succeed, go home' ideology, it had put an insurmountable pressure on me. To all those out there who don't deal with this, embrace yourself. Don't take your gender for granted because there are people like me out there on the brink of suicide who just want to look in the mirror and see their true selves. …when I look in the mirror I don't want to see a stranger…I just want to see Aubrey." And the video went black.

Looking in shock at her computer screen, Beca shook her head,

'_It can't be. There's no way that this Aubrey is the control freak bellas captain that I know."_

Before she could ponder it anymore, she heard Chloe returning from the bathroom. Wiping quickly at her eyes, she exited out of her browser.

"Ready to work, Becs?" she asked cheerfully, joining Beca on the couch.

"Huh? Oh yeah."

"Hey, why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying. I just got something in my eye and I couldn't get the damn thing out." she said, trying her hardest to sound believable. Chloe raised an eyebrow at her skeptically before accepting her answer.

"Ok, so what's the topic?"

"Gender dysphoria." She explained, opening her laptop once again.

Chloe stopped, staring at Beca for a few seconds, as if she wanted to say something. However she said nothing and picked up the paper Beca had discarded on the coffee table.

"Ok, so I guess we should start in the brain…"

* * *

As Beca stood in the practice room with the other bellas she couldn't help but watch the blonde captain as she danced.

'_There's no way she was once a boy, she's way too womanly for that…I mean, look at her. She's beautiful '_she thought, blushing to herself that she allowed herself to actually admit that she found the blonde beautiful.

Ever since the other night where she watched the video of who could have possibly been Aubrey, Beca had been unable to get the blonde out of her mind. The boy in that video was heartbreaking to watch and Beca wanted Aubrey to know if she even for a second still felt the way that little boy did that she would be there for her. However, she was unsure of how she was even going to approach the subject, or if that Aubrey was even the Aubrey she knew.

"Enough ladies, I'm calling it a night." Aubrey announced to the room, earning her a dozen sighs of relief.

As everyone packed up, Beca watched Aubrey out of the corner of her eye as she stood by the seats, drinking from her water bottle. Walking over to the blonde, she fumbled with her hands, as she got closer.

"Hey Aubrey can I ask you a question?"

The blonde looked up from her bag to the DJ, skeptically, "Um, yeah, sure"

"You said you didn't start college right out of high school, and that you spent 2 years in L.A, yet you're the correct age for a senior. Why is that?"

"Oh, I graduated from high school early."

"Really? At what age, like 16?"

"No, 15." Beca tried to maintain a straight face of curiosity before saying okay.

_So she did graduate at 15 just like the kid from that video. _

"Is that all you wanted to ask?" Aubrey questioned as she pulled her bag over her shoulder.

"Um, yeah, well, no. I'm doing a film on gender dysphoria and I know that you're close friends with the president of the LBGTQ society on campus. Do you think you could ask if I could get an interview with him?"

"Um, yeah I'll try…Gender dysphoria, did you choose that topic?" she asked, uneasiness evident in her facial expression despite her best attempts to hide it.

"Actually my professor assigned it to me, but after reading up on it I'm really looking forward to it. There isn't a lot of information on it as is, I mean there is, but that's the scientific stuff like statistics and stuff. I really want to capture those kids out there struggling to live with a body they felt has betrayed them." She studied Aubrey's face, for a split second seeing her lip tremble before the blonde composed herself. She needed to know if that Aubrey she saw in the video was the woman she saw before her right now and with her next statement she would know for sure.

"I'm actually thinking of naming it _The Stranger that is me. _What do you think?" and that was all it took for Aubrey's eyes to widen in fear before her hand flew to her mouth and she was running for the nearest bathroom.

* * *

_**Hey everyone, I thought I try my hand at pitch perfect fanficiton. Hopefully you guys are interested in this type of story. Reviews are always welcome and thanks for reading.**_


	2. A Friend in Me

_**Hello everyone. I'm so excited that you guys actually like this idea and are looking forward to it. Just a couple of notes, this story will not focus much around the bellas. I doubt that I'll even mention them more than a few times. This story is about Aubrey and Beca and the relationship that develops between them after Beca discovers a deep secret of Aubrey's. With that being said, on to the story. I hope you enjoy and reviews are always welcomed. **_

_**P.S. The cover for this story was created by me. If you want a cover for you story to be made, let me know and I'd be happy to make one for you.**_

* * *

Beca watched Aubrey run to the bathroom, the blonde barely making it to the toilet before she expelled all of the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl. Beca and Chloe ran after the blonde, following her into the bathroom.

"Chloe, make her go away!" she cried before purging into the toilet once again. Chloe turned towards Beca and lightly pushed her to the door of the bathroom.

"Go, I'll call you later, ok?" she said, smiling sadly at the DJ. Beca obliged, walking out the bathroom hoping that Chloe would live up to her word and update her on the status of Aubrey.

However, that was two weeks ago and Beca hadn't heard from either Bella in the interim. Beca even tried going to their apartment only to be turned away by Chloe who would sympathetically tell her that Aubrey isn't ready to talk and to come back later. At first Beca was understanding of what Aubrey was going through, she realized that maybe that wasn't something Aubrey was ready to talk about, however, her avoidance of Beca was beginning to annoy the DJ. She was very aware when the blonde would purposely turn and walk the other way to avoid running into her and she hated to admit it, it was beginning to hurt her feelings. Beca only wanted to help and to have the blonde push her away hurt.

Beca sighed as she walked up the steps to the off campus brownstone. She stood outside their apartment, her desire to see the blonde pushed aside any ideas of returning back to her dorm and abandoning the entire idea. She quickly knocked on the door before she lost the nerve.

"Beca, what are you doing here?" Chloe asked in her usually chipper tone.

"I came to see Aubrey."

"Man, you sure are a persistent one. Unfortunately, Bree's not here."

Beca sighed, her shoulders slumping in disappointment.

"Well do you know where she is?"

Chloe frowned, "Maybe you should come inside." She said, stepping outside to allow Beca to enter the apartment.

Beca took off her coat and sat down on the couch, Chloe joining her a few seconds later.

"So, do you know where she is or when she'll be back?"

"Beca, look… I understand that you care for Bree, ok, I get it, but maybe this time you should back off. She doesn't like to talk about her past and she really doesn't need anyone questioning her about it." She explained to the sad brunette.

"But I'm just trying to help." Beca whispered. Chloe smiled, placing a hand on Beca's,

"I know and it's very sweet of you, but you would really be helping by just dropping it all together. Ok?"

Beca looked at Chloe, still disappointed before asking

"Well will you let her know that I'm going to back off and that the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her?" she stood up, putting her coat back on. Chloe smiled at her, nodding her head yes.

"Yeah, I'll let her know as soon as she gets back from her support group." She said, not realizing the extent of what she just revealed.

"Ok, thanks." Beca said before walking out the door.

'_A support group? I know there are only three support groups on campus. I doubt she's an alcoholic or an anorexic so it has to be that TAS group.'_

Beca got into her car and began to drive back to campus. She wasn't even sure if the TAS group was even for transgender students but it was worth a shot. The only reason she even knew they existed was because Cynthia Rose was always talking about her girlfriend being a part of it. Taking a shot in the dark, Beca drove to Founders Hall where the LGBTQ Society meetings were held. Praying to everything above, she got out of her car hoping Aubrey was there.

She walked into the building and found the room to be empty and dark, but she could see a light coming from the stairwell that led to the basement. As she got closer to the stairwell she could hear voices of what sounded like a group of people. She walked down the stairs quietly and opened the door. There in the middle of the room were about 15 or so people sitting in a circle. One of the people, who she recognized as Eric, the LGBTQ society president, began to speak just as she walked in.

"So, I think that's a good place to head to next, Darrell. How did you go about telling your mom?"  
As Darrell began to talk Beca walked further into the room and took a seat next to a girl she recognized from her math class. Beca sat quietly listening to Darrell speak about telling his mom that he was transgendered and despite her not fully understanding what it meant that she supported him fully. She looked around the room trying to find Aubrey and spotted her returning from what seemed to be the bathroom. Just as she sat down her eyes made contact with Beca's. Her face changed immediately from a look of surprise to a look of anger in a matter of seconds. If looks could kill, Beca would be six feet under already. The exchange between the two was interrupted by everyone clapping and Erica turning to Aubrey who sat on the left of him.

"Aubrey what about you."

"Huh? What was the question?"

"You're next to go. How did you deal with telling your parents?"

Aubrey looked back at Beca not wanting to reveal something so intimate in front of the DJ. However, with everyone looking at her waiting for her to go, she had no choice but to speak. Looking down at her hands she whispered,

"I no longer have a family…I told my mother when I was 14 and she didn't react. She just said '_that's nice dear'_ and turned back to what she was doing. My father… I never actually told him. He just found out and something in me believes my mother told him. I had returned home from school one day and he called me to his office in the den. When I got there he told me to pull down my pants and when I wouldn't, he walk over to me and yanked them down, revealing the lace underwear I was wearing... That day he broke my nose." She paused, the tears falling from her eyes gathered in a puddle in her hands.

"So you see I have no family and only one friend. She's my saving grace because without her I doubt I'd even be able to carry on as well as I do." She trailed off, not looking up to make eye contact with anyone. Eric placed a friendly hand on Aubrey's back moving it in a circular motion to soothe the blonde.

"Ok, um I think we have time for one more…how about you. I've never seen you before—are you new?" he asked pointing at Beca. Beca looked up, a little caught off guard at all of the attention suddenly directed at her.

"Um, yeah, I'm new…I'm Beca." She started, waving awkwardly at the crowd. "Um, I guess I should start of by saying I'm not transgender, but I'm here to support a friend." She declared, looking over to Aubrey who had finally looked up at her. Their eyes locked and held as Beca continued. "Honestly, I'm not sure how to even deal with all of this, like feelings and stuff. I guess I just wanted to support a friend because I think I really hurt her. You see, I just found out that she's transgendered and I guess I was, no I know, I was very insensitive in how I approached her about it. I wasn't trying to hurt her, I swear, I just wanted to her to know that she's my friend and that she doesn't have to hide from me because I'm not going to judge her."

Everyone smiled at her but all Beca could focus on was Aubrey who was no longer looking at her. As everyone stood up and began to clear out the room, putting away chairs, Beca walked over to Aubrey who stood by the snack table.

"Let me walk you to your car?" she asked, hoping that the blonde wouldn't turn her away again. When she nodded her head in the affirmative, Beca smiled. She opened the door to the hall and they were met with a light breeze.

"Aubrey, look, I'm sorry I came here, but I needed to apologize for what happened. I shouldn't have done that and I'm a jerk for it."

"Beca, it's not your fault. If anyone should apologize it's me. I was cruel to you in these past weeks and I'm sorry for that but you have to understand I have to be this way because keeping this secret is the difference between life and death for people like me." She whispered sadly.

"Aubrey, I meant everything I said in there. I'm just trying to be your friend ok. I would never compromise your safety by revealing that secret. When I found out I didn't even talk to Chloe about it because I didn't know if you had told her. I just want you to feel like you could talk to me if you needed, ok?"

Aubrey smiled lightly, "Ok."

"And I thought I'd let it be known, I'm not going to try and milk you for information for my film project ok?"

"Yeah, I know. You're not that type of person… I just want to know, how did you find my video?"

"I was trying to find previous films on gender dysphoria and I found the video…I'm sorry you had to suffer as much as you did." She whispered, looking up from the ground where she had been kicking a rock. Taking a chance, she leaned in and hugged Aubrey.

Unbeknownst to her, Aubrey had begun to cry again as she inhaled deeply, taking in Beca's sent, having never before felt such strong feelings for someone before.

"Just know, I'm here for you." She whispered. Aubrey nodded, another tear falling down her face as emotion overwhelmed. Whispering,

"I know." She closed her eyes and exhaled.

* * *

_**Short, I know, but it was one of those necessary filler chapters. I hope you like it and hopefully i'll have another chapter up within a few days. Reviews are welcomed and tell me what you do and don't like. Also, this is one of two stories I plan to do on this topic. The second will be in a different universe and will focus on Beca who will be transitioning female to male. Should that also be mitchsen or bechloe?**_


	3. Memories

Beca opened the door to her dorm, reaching out to turn on the light. As the room was enveloped in a warm glow, she turned to Aubrey and instructed her to follow her into the room. If there was ever a time Beca was glad that her roommate had transferred out of Barden mid semester, it was now so now Bea was able to enjoy the perks of a double room without the hassle of a roommate. As Beca hung up their coats, Aubrey took a seat on the bed, crossing her legs, waiting for Beca to join her. The DJ took a seat across from her, pulling her pillow out from under her butt and placed it on her lap to rest her hands on. She watched in silence as Aubrey fumbled with her hands trying to figure out where to begin.

"You have no idea how difficult this is." She whispered, her voice betraying her emotions. Beca reached out to the blonde

"I'm not pressuring you to talk about anything. We can just lay here if that's what you want." She said taking Aubrey's hand in hers. The lead Bella looked up at her, eyes glossed from unshed tears threatening to fall.

"But I want to tell you, I want to be able to open up to someone other than Chloe because I hate having to unload all of my problems on her." She explained, heavy tears finally falling and showering her face in a melancholic waterfall.

Beca smiled sadly at her, reaching out to wipe away a tear from Aubrey's face, "Well then I'm here if you want to talk. There's no rushing, no pressure."

Aubrey sat for a few more minutes in silence before she began to speak.

"I first started feeling this way when I was like 5 or 6, I mean, I was always aware that I was _different_ but it never hit home until that age and I had started school." She looked up to the ceiling as if being transported back in time and experiencing the memory all over again. "It was the first day of kindergarten and my mom dressed me like any other boy my age, in this expensive blazer with this tie she bought in Italy, I remember because she kept reminding me that I couldn't ruin such a 'fine Italian tie.' I arrived to school early and was one of the first kids there. I remember it so clearly, all of the boys chasing each other around the playground and all the girls playing hopscotch or jumping rope and I remember just being so fascinated with the girls and their dresses of so many colors. I recall ever so clearly, that I looked down at my clothes and felt embarrassed at what I was wearing and wanting so badly to experience the freedom that came with putting on a dress. And being the naïve 6 year old that I was, I saw nothing wrong with asking for a dress. Of course my mother told my father and he punished me. From that day on, I pushed all of what I was dealing with deep down inside. I got to the point where I would look in the mirror and verbally attack my reflection for being effeminate. That's how I got this scar; I actually punched my reflection one day." She said, pointing to the healed scar running down the back of her hand.

"When did you realize that you were possibly transgender?"

"I think I started to accept what I was—who I was, around 14, a year or so before I made that video. I had always been teased and called gay and finally embracing who I was didn't help the matter. I didn't go around wearing makeup or lipstick publicly because I knew my dad would be the shit out of me, but I did start to grow out my hair and buying clothes that flattered my body. I had this one friend, Iris. She was my best friend actually. She was openly lesbian and always used to say that when I finally transitioned she would be my first girlfriend." Beca watched Aubrey's smile and chuckle at the memory before tears would fall again, coming to rest on her lips and pushing her smile downward.

"She would loan me clothes and would give me makeovers and help wax my facial hair and stuff like that. She was even there when my father beat me and broke my nose for wearing woman's underwear. She was always there…I wish she had gotten the chance to see me go through with it all."

"What happened to Iris? Did she move away or something?"

"No, she… we met while she was battling stage 4 lymphoma…She died six months after I came out."

Beca watched as Aubrey's voice trailed off into a soft whisper before her body was overwhelmed with sorrow and had begun to shake as she sobbed into her hands. The DJ was immediately by her side, embracing her in a hug.

"It's like God enjoyed punishing me. He took away my only friend, Beca. He took away my one reason to live; he snatched her from me without the slightest warning and forced me to keep living without her. It's not fair!" she cried into Beca's shoulder, the smaller woman, soothing her as best as she could, not being used to having to do this. Aubrey's arms wrapped around the DJ in a tight embrace as she cried into the brunette's shoulder the pressure of everything inside erupting to the surface uncontrollably. She found some comfort in knowing that Beca was willing to hold even if it made the DJ uncomfortable. She had no clue why Beca was so willing to go out of her way to help Aubrey when she had been nothing but a bitch to her. She continued to cry and Beca continued to hold her, rubbing her hand in a circular motion on her back, encouraging her to cry as long as she needed. They sat like this for some time until Aubrey calmed down.

"Look, Bree, you don't have to share anymore if you're not up to it, ok. We can just go to bed."

Aubrey looked up Beca, wiping at her eyes, and silently nodded.

"I'll go sleep in the other bed." She said, standing up. Beca reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Why would you do that?"

"You still want me to sleep in your bed?"

"I don't mind sharing a bed with you, you're still you and what I've learned in the past couple of days doesn't change anything. So we can share my bed, unless you have herpes… please don't tell me you have herpes." Beca said gazing at Aubrey with a serious expression. Aubrey smiled at the DJ, shaking her head at her antics before walking back over to her.

"You're ridiculous" she said as she joined Beca on the bed. She had no clue how the smaller woman could illicit a smile from her despite how terrible she felt inside.

"But you wouldn't have it any other way, now would you?" Beca laughed as turned off her light before lying down next to the blonde.

"No, no I wouldn't." she whispered, exhaling in contentment at the feeling of Beca placing a hand over her and coming to rest atop her hand. _I wouldn't have it any other way, Beca._

* * *

Aubrey awoke to an empty room, the memories of last night flooding back into her mind. Rolling over, she grabbed ahold of the pillow that Beca slept on and brought it to her chest. Something about the DJ was stirring feelings inside the blonde that she had never felt before—allowed herself to feel before. When she actually allowed herself to fall in love—wait, was it love?—when she allowed herself to actually feel something for someone, like she had allowed herself to do with Beca, she found that it was causing her to act like a teenage girl developing her first crush. Even she had to laugh at how silly she was acting, but this didn't stop her from inhaling the DJ's scent that lingered on the pillow. Taking a few moments to lie in the bed, she sat up, the urge to use the bathroom becoming more evident. She got out of the bed and walked out the room down to the bathroom. After relieving herself she returned to the room and found Beca sitting at her desk, a paper bag and Starbucks coffee sitting unopened on the table.

"You're back." She said softly, shutting the door lightly behind her.

"Yeah, I just ran out the grab breakfast since we missed it at the cafeteria. I hope you don't mind banana muffins." Beca responded, handing Aubrey her coffee, as she took a sip from her own cup.

"No, I don't mind." She took a seat on the bed, folding one leg under herself. Smiling to herself she looked at Beca. Banana was her favorite type of muffin but she couldn't recall ever telling her that. Beca handed her a muffin before fishing one out of the bag for herself. Aubrey placed her coffee on the desk and peeled away the paper cup that surrounded the muffin.

"Beca, I want to thank you for last night…you were so considerate and caring last night that I can't even begin to put into words how much I appreciate it."

"Hey, don't mention it…no like really don't mention it. I'm a badass and no one will respect me if word gets out I actually have a heart." she whispered loudly as if people were around to hear.

Aubrey giggled, _what in the hell, am I thirteen?_

"But no seriously, it's no problem. Aubrey I really care about you and although we didn't get along that well freshman year, I consider you a friend, a close one at that. I'm just glad that now you are able to be the real Aubrey and be happy with your body."

'_But I'm not happy with it' _she thought, preparing to vocalize it. She opened her month, only to shut it again. She didn't think she was ready to reveal to Beca that she still had qualms and insecurities still to this day regarding her gender. Instead she just smiled and took a bite of her muffin to hide how much her smile had faltered. Choosing to change the subject she picked up her coffee and took a sip.

"So, do you have anything planned today?" she asked. Beca, who had been on her computer checking her email, closed the browser and turned to face the blonde.

"Um, actually I do. I'm meeting with Eric from the LGBTQ society for my interview. He actually just sent me an email confirming our meeting time." She explained. Looking at the blonde with hopeful eyes she continued, "You can join me if you'd like."

Seeing how much she wanted her to go, Aubrey couldn't help but say yes. It was the least she could do after all that Beca has done for her.

"Ok, I'll go."

"Good because I don't even know Eric and it'll be all awkward and you and I both know me and awkward are like liberals and conservatives, we'll never mix."

* * *

"Ok, So Eric, I'm just going to ask you about 9 or 10 questions. Try to answer them as honestly as you can, ok? When you answer them look at me, not the camera, understand." When Eric nodded his head she smiled at him before reaching into her bag and pulling out her list of questions.

Aubrey sat in the back of the room, watching as Beca conducted the interview, listening to her ask the senior several questions regarding the LGBTQ society and their role on campus. The first 5 or so questions were pretty much introductory questions and she kind of tuned out while Eric answered them. She didn't begin to pay attention until the very last question.

"So Eric, you said you started this organization as a GSA, initially. Why did you change the organizations goals and purposes?"

"Well I decided to not only change the purpose of our organization but I expanded the group after the suicide of Riley Summers two years ago. I don't think you had arrived on campus yet, well actually it was the spring right before your freshman year. The school had come under heavy scrutiny for the way they had handled Riley's bashing that February. She was openly Trans and had no qualms about wearing dresses and makeup on campus which didn't sit well with a few people. Unfortunately, this led to her being beat up pretty badly one night and when she reported it to campus police, apparently no one had investigated and left it alone. This seemed to make her attackers feel that it was open season for harassing Riley because of the lack of repercussions for the first bashing and they continued to do so, publicly on campus, and it didn't end until she took her life. Her parents sued the school and the city and won their case. Around this time, I had been trying to get more funding from the school to expand our organization and also gain a larger venue so that we could welcome more people. When I created the GSA, it was meant to be a welcoming space for all of the LGBTQ community but I guess that the title GSA doesn't signify that, which led to the name change."

Aubrey sat in the back, wincing at the name Riley Summers, and she suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe. Her chest constricted and she had begun to breathe in short gasps and pants. Getting up, she excused herself and walked out of the room and out of the building into the cold October air.

Beca noticed that Aubrey had left but decided to leave her alone and allowed Eric to continue. "Barden received a lot of bad press for Riley's death and the school was seen as a homophobic campus in national headlines. I guess Barden wanted to do anything possible to lose that stigma. A couple of weeks following Riley's death, I was approached by the dean with news that we would be moved to our current location, Connor Hall, and that each year a budget had been set aside for us. Go figure, it would take something like Riley's death for the school to finally pay attention to us." He stated in annoyance.

Beca, smiled at Eric as she turned off her camera.

"That was really good Eric. You said a lot of important stuff especially about Riley, who I hadn't even heard of. I don't even remember hearing about her death. Was it in the news?" she asked as she packed away her camera.

"No it wasn't, but it wouldn't be now would it? It's sad that even today _all _crimes aren't reported and broadcast for the world to see."

"Hey, do you mind if I quote you on that?" she asked.

"Sure go ahead. I'm glad that someone is finally creating a platform for the transgender community to have a voice." He said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Beca smiled at him, nodding in agreement. Extending her hand, Eric took it in his and shook it firmly.

"Thanks for the interview." She said, before pulling her camera bag over her shoulder.

"No, problem. If you ever want to talk more let me know… And Beca?"

"Yeah?"

"When are you going to join the group, huh? Because everyone knows you're gay."

Beca just smiled at him and turned towards Aubrey who stood, waiting patiently at the door for her. As they walked out of the building, Beca turned towards Aubrey.

"Did you know Riley?"

Aubrey sighed deeply, looking out into the distance as they walked back towards Beca's dorm.

"Yeah…yeah I did know Riley… she was just so proud and confident…and something in me hated her—envied her—because she was able to do and be everything I couldn't. That semester she was bashed was really rough on me. I mean, I was afraid of people finding out before then, but the reports of her being attacked and her subsequent death terrified me and I only ever left my room to go to class and if I had to leave for some other reason, I made Chloe go with me."

"Gosh, Aubrey, I'm sorry, it must have been hard listening to Eric retell that story." Beca said, feeling bad for making Aubrey sit there through the interview. Aubrey smiled lightly at the DJ, placing a comforting hand on her arm.

"It's ok Beca, don't worry about it. Besides Eric was right, you're giving the transgender community a voice and I really am glad that you're doing it with compassion and sensitivity." She paused with hesitation about her next words. "And if you ever wanted to interview me—confidently—I would love to do it because—because if anyone can tell our story with some decency I think it would be you."

Beca looked at her, rendered speechless, not sure what how to respond. Aubrey smiled at her expression and Beca did something completely out of character for her, she hugged the blonde.

"Thank you so much, Bree." She said into the crook of her neck. Aubrey closed her eyes and inhaled,

"No, Beca. _Thank You_" she replied.

_Yes, it is love_ she thought, tightening the hug, and then exhaling.

* * *

_**So there you guys have it, another chapter. I really hope you guys liked it and don't hesitate to leave me a review/comment about how you're liking (or hating) it so far.**_


	4. Barriers

Aubrey looked up from her book at the sight of Beca jumping on her bed, laptop in hand.

"So I just finished editing my latest interview. I know you wanted to see it, so here it is." She explained. It had been close to a month since she had made her confession to the DJ and she could honestly admit that Beca had become an integral part of her life. They had grown intensely close, with Beca opening up to her about the abuse she had suffered at the hands of her mom when she was younger. To hear Beca let down her walls and explain how deep inside, for unknown reasons, she still sought the approval of her mother, brought the two closer together. Both women's insecurities brought something out of them that provided strength for the other.

"Ok. Who did you interview, again?" she asked, both women sitting up on the bed, their backs against the wall.

"His name is Nicholas. I met him at a gig." She explained, hitting play on her laptop.

"_Hello world" he began, chuckling as he waved at the camera. _

"_My name is Nicolas and I am a post-op female-to male transgender. Actually, this December will be my 4 year anniversary since my top surgery."_

"_So you haven't had the second surgery?" _Aubrey could hear Beca ask off camera.

"_No I haven't and I don't plan to. It's a surgery that I see as being a case by case situation. I used to desire to have the 'equipment' to match my body but after everything I've gone through and as I've matured, I realized that it wasn't necessary. My wife was an integral part in me coming to terms with it all and my realization."_

"_So you're married?"_

"_Yes I am, 3 years."_

"_How does your wife deal with you being female-to-male?"_

"_I swear Jacqueline, my wife, is my saving grace. Without her I doubt I would have ever had the courage to be who I was." He looked off into the distance, a content smile across his face._

"_We met before I had my surgery when I was still I guess you could say, labeled as a female. We had dated all through high school and then as my dysphoria got worse and I started to seek information about surgeries and transitioning, I came out to her… That woman, when I say she accepted me, I mean she accepted me with open arms. Through all of the testosterone shots, all of the doctor's appointments, through my surgery, she was there. I couldn't have asked for anything better because to have someone love you completely and honestly is a blessing in its self."_ And the screen went black. Aubrey looked over at Beca who closed her laptop.

"So…what do you think?" she asked and immediately Aubrey could see the insecurity and doubt hiding in Beca's features. She still couldn't fathom how someone as wonderful as the woman in front of her could be so unsure of herself.

"You're amazing, ya' know. I can already tell your film is going to be great." She complimented with genuine honesty. Seeing Beca's face light up, Aubrey couldn't help the butterflies that buzzed in her stomach.

"You really think so? I wasn't sure if I was taking the right approach but I wanted people to know that the stereotypes of trans people are wrong. That not all trans women look like drag queens and that all trans men aren't actually butch lesbians; that they are destined to be alone. That they are capable of living prosperous lives just like the rest of us. That they are normal." She explained. Aubrey sat, awestruck at what Beca had just said. To hear someone, a cisgender female at that, be so aware of the plight of the transgender community and want to do something to change it—it left her speechless.

"And you're right Beca. Completely right. I just hope that the rest of the world will begin to see that. That we have as much love to give as the next person." She stated, trailing off at the last part of her sentence.

"Have you ever dated anyone, Bree?" Beca asked on a whim, unsure if she was breaching uncomfortable territory for the blonde. She knew that she was taking a chance by asking such a personal question to her when Aubrey had just began to trust her, but as time went on and the two got closer, Beca was having a hard time controlling her attraction to the older Bella.

"No…no I haven't because I never trusted anyone with my secret. I mean, Chloe knows—but only because she walked in on me in the bathroom, but I never have gotten close enough to anyone to let them see this part of me, the real Aubrey."

Beca looked up at her and whispered,

"Then why are you letting me?"

Aubrey looked at her trying to hide her surprise at the question. She knew exactly why she was letting the small DJ into her heart and past her emotional barriers that she spent nearly a decade constructing. It was because she was falling in love with the DJ and that terrified her. The idea that she could be so whole heartedly in love with another person, to be completely dependent upon them for emotional sanity. The thought in itself was petrifying. And that is why Beca couldn't know the truth.

She didn't want to lie to her but she wasn't ready to tell her the truth, to give herself completely to Beca, no matter what she felt, no matter how much she loved her.

"I don't know…" she responded turning towards Beca.

Beca looked up at her and their eyes locked. Slowly, Beca leaned closer to the blonde, her hand reaching up and gently pushing a fallen golden lock behind Aubrey's ear. As if the two could read each other's thoughts and see their reservations, they watched the other with keen observation. The space between the two slowly decreased, both women making their way past the barriers of the other and soon enough, their lips were only inches apart.

"Don't be afraid, Bree…" Beca whispered, going in to close the remaining distance between the two.

* * *

_**Don't hate me. Please don't hate me. I wrote this chapter, at this length for a reason. Now that I think about it, I really should be writing my essay for my English course, but whatever, this is more fun. I hope you like this chapter, and trust me, I won't be leaving you guys hanging for long. This chapter was really a filler chapter but an essential chapter nonetheless. Trust me, the angst will resume within the subsequent chapters. As always, reviews are highly appreciated and it looks like Mitchsen is winning for the pairing for my next story involving Beca being female to male. I'm still taking votes on that, if you guys still want to share your opinions.**_


	5. Believe Me

Aubrey sat on Chloe's bed, her legs crossed, as she picked at the stray yarn on the pillow that rested in her lap.

"So what are you going to do while I'm gone?" Chloe asked as she looked at Aubrey through the mirror, applying mascara to her eyelashes.

"Beca's coming over to watch a movie." The blonde answered joyfully. Her abundance of happiness was evident even to Chloe, which caused the redhead to turn around and eye her friend suspiciously.

"She's coming to watch a movie? How'd you convince her to do that?"

"I didn't, she suggested it. She said she wanted to watch some movie suggested to her by one of the people she interviewed." Aubrey explained, throwing the pillow at Chloe. "Don't make that face." She laughed.

"I'm not making a face. I just want to know how you managed to change the alt girl into a big softie. She never wants to watch movies with anyone else but here she is, watching one with you." Chloe elaborated, turning back to the mirror to fix her hair that was tussled by the pillow Aubrey threw at her.

"I don't know."

"You _do_ know and I know. It's because she likes you, Bree." Chloe said, walking over to her bed and taking a seat next to her friend. Aubrey looked down bashfully,

"No, she doesn't—" she began only to be cut off by Chloe.

"Yes she does Bree. Anyone can see it. And although I know you won't admit it, I'm pretty sure you like her, too. Am I right?" she asked, tilting her head so that she could make eye contact with Aubrey.

Aubrey looked up at her before nodding her head slowly.

"Yeah…I don't think I've ever like someone as much as I like Beca. But I doubt anything will come of it, not after last Friday night." she shook her head in frustration before burying her face in her hands and sighing deeply.

"What happened last Friday?" Chloe asked suddenly curious as to why Aubrey has neglected to mention it until now.

"We nearly kissed." She whispered, not removing her hands from her face.

"What do you mean you _nearly_ kissed? Why didn't you?"

"Because I lied about feeling sick and ran to the bathroom before our lips even touched." She explained, earning her a punch to the arm from Chloe.

"What did you do that for Bree? Do you want to push her away?" Chloe asked incredulously.

Aubrey rubbed her sore arm before turning to look at the redhead.

"No, I just…I just—"she stuttered, unable to find a reason as to why she didn't kiss the DJ.

"Exactly, you don't have a reason. It's obvious Beca cares a great deal about you and I'm sure you care about her, otherwise you wouldn't have told her as much as you have about your past. But you can't keep pushing her away because you and I both know that Beca is prone to run when things don't work out."

"But how do I even know that she wants a relationship with me? It's easy to be friends but how do I know if she's even ready for a relationship with someone like me?"

"She did try to kiss you right? It's not rocket science Bree. Stop being such a wuss and just let her love you. Everyone knows what team Beca bats for."

"But Chloe…she may be attracted to girls but I'm _not_ a normal girl." She whispered, her insecurities finally coming to the surface, leaving her in a blanket of vulnerability. She looked down at her hands, trying not to cry.

Chloe's anger immediately dissolved at how quickly her friend's emotions turned south. Chloe took her hand between her own and squeezed them in comfort.

"Yes you are Bree, and the sooner you realize that, the happier you'll be." She said, reaching up with her hand to wipe away a tear traveling down Aubrey's face.

The two were interrupted by a knock at the door, causing Aubrey to immediately wipe away the evidence of her emotional state. Chloe stood up,

"I'll get the door while you go wash you face… I'm not saying you have to jump into a relationship with her, but how about giving her a chance? Let yourself be happy, ok. I'll talk to you later after my date, ok?"

Aubrey nodded, standing up off the bed.

She watched Chloe walk out the room before making her way to the bathroom to wash her face. After managing to erase any signs that she had been crying, Aubrey made her way out of the bathroom and into the living room where Beca was loading a DVD into the DVD player.

"Hey, you." The DJ said, a smile immediately gracing her face as she took a seat on the couch.

"Hey, Beca." She responded, a smile involuntarily making its way onto her face as well. She walked over to the couch and took a seat next to Beca, taking notice of the box of pizza sitting on the coffee table in front of them for the first time.

"I figured you hadn't eaten since you tend to starve yourself when you're studying." She said, smirking at the blonde's indignant face.

"I do not starve myself." She said, hitting Beca playfully on the arm.

"Gosh that hurt." She laughed, rubbing at her arm feigning pain. "But in all seriousness, didn't you have that big test for biology this afternoon?" Beca asked, continuing at Aubrey nodding head yes.

"And did you eat at all today?" she asked, opening the box in front of her.

Aubrey nodded her head hesitantly, not wanting to prove the smaller woman right.

"I didn't have time to." She elaborated. "I used the time I had between classes to study and unfortunately I had to skip lunch." She said sadly, _'Am I that predictable?"_

As if reading her mind, Beca handed her a plate with a slice of pizza on it, "Don't worry you're not predictable, I just know you well enough to know you habits. Which is why I'm here, to hold you when you're sad, to lead you when you're lost and most importantly to feed you when you hungry." She declared, taking a large bite of the pizza in on her own plate, giving Aubrey a tomato sauce stained smile.

'_Let yourself be happy." _ Chloe's words permeated Aubrey's thoughts as she stared back Beca who had turned away from her to grab the television remote. Not wanting to dwell on her feelings at the moment and risk breaking down crying once again, Aubrey ignored her thoughts.

"So what are we watching?" she asked, biting into her pizza, the taste of the cheese and dough reminding her exactly how hungry she actually was.

"Nicholas suggested a bunch of movies for me to watch and this was first on the list. It's called Soldier's Girl." She explained, hitting play on the remote.

The two managed to finish off the pizza nearly twenty minutes into the movie and they soon found themselves sitting closer as the movie went on. By the halfway mark, their positions had changed from sitting upward to Beca lying down on the couch, Aubrey lying in her arms. She found great comfort in hearing the hum of Beca's heartbeat and the safety that she felt at being in the brunette's arms. The movie had just reached the scene where one of the main protagonists, Winchell, runs away from Calpernia after kissing her for the first time. Aubrey could feel her throat tightening and her stomach turning as she watched Calpernia walk over to the mirror and look at her body in shame. Seeing the woman on screen reach down with her hands and cover the bulge in her underwear in shame brought forward an overwhelming influx of emotion to the blonde causing her to start to cry. Beca sensed something was wrong immediately and paused the movie.

"Hey, are you ok?" she asked, sitting up with the blonde. She reached over and turned on the lamp next to the couch.

"Yeah, I'm—" she began to lie only to be cut off by a soothing hand lacing with hers.

"You don't have to lie to me Bree. You don't have to be strong around me."

Aubrey looked up at Beca, searching her eyes for any dishonesty. When she found nothing but genuine concern she found herself crying even harder.

"It's just that I know what that is like. Looking in the mirror and absolutely _abhorring_what I see. When I look at myself, I hate it. It's like I'm looking at a stranger in the mirror. And I begin to think that I'll always be alone because I'm this ugly disgusting monster and I don't deserve to be loved."

Beca's heart broke at hearing Aubrey's confession and she wished she could do more for her. However she did the only thing she could at that moment and was hold her. She took the blonde in her arms and held her tight. Aubrey's arms hooked under the DJ's coming to rest on her back as she cried even harder into the crook of her neck.

"Listen to me, Bree. You ARE beautiful, okay? And if there there's some bastard out there that thinks otherwise, than he's a blind fool." Beca looked down at the woman in her arms, placing her hand under Aubrey's chin, raising her head so that their eyes met before continuing,

"And I know you don't believe me, Aubrey, but I'm going to spend the rest of my days showing you just how beautiful you are until you believe what I'm saying." She finished before taking Aubrey back into her arms, settling for kissing her lightly on the forehead with both secretly wanting so much more.

* * *

_**So there it is; another chapter. It really was just a continuation of last night's chapter, but I was too tired to type it last night, thus it being uploaded now. I think I'm getting better at this whole updating thing. I hope you guys like this chapter. I also suggest that you guys see **_**Soldier's Girl**_** it's a very touching movie that deals with a soldier falling in love with a mtf transwoman. Once again thanks for reading and reviews make my day. Like seriously, they really do. P.S. is it just me or does bechloe remind you of rizzles (Rizzoli and Isles)? Let me know what you guys think because sometimes when reading rizzles fanfiction I find myself sometimes picturing Chloe instead of Maura and Beca instead of jane. This also happens vice versa when I read pitch perfect fiction also.**_


	6. Selfless

_**I, in no way, own Pitch Perfect because, honestly if I did, the ending would have played out just a little bit different. I hope you guys enjoy.**_

"So what do you have planned for today?" Beca asked as she and Aubrey walked across campus to her dorm.

"I have a paper to finish but it's not due until next week so, nothing really. Why?" the older Bella responded, struggling to hold her books in her arms and balance her bag on her shoulder.

"Maybe you can come over? We can listen to music or even watch _The Notebook_ if you want." Beca said, cringing at the thought of the romantic comedy. However, despite her uneasiness, she'd watch the movie if it meant spending more time with the blonde. Ever since she'd admitted to herself that she really liked Aubrey, Beca had been trying to find any way for the two to hang out.

Aubrey turned to look at her, raising any eye brow in humor,

"Miss 'badass alt girl' is willing to watch _The Notebook_? You must be going insane if you're willing to watch a movie you absolutely hate."

Beca, seeing the blonde's plight, took 3 of her 4 books into her own hands and grabbed her bag also, placing it around her shoulder. Aubrey's face visibly relaxed at the weight being lifted. The blonde went to protest Beca taking the heavy bag but Beca made a face telling her not to even try and argue.

"Yeah I hate that movie, its super predictable but I know that you love it so why not watch it?"

Aubrey turned to look at Beca as they walked. The small DJ kept her eyes forward, not noticing that she was being watched. Aubrey opened her mouth to respond but before she could she felt herself coming into contact with someone in front of her causing the folder in her hands to fall to the ground, all of its contents falling out onto the sidewalk.

"Watch where you're walking aca-skanks." came a harsh humored reply. Aubrey looked up to see Bumper and Donald standing in front of her.

"Maybe you two dickwads shouldn't be standing in the middle of the sidewalk." Aubrey retorted, her folder seemingly forgotten on the ground as she bickered with the Treble captain.

"Bree, c'mon let's just go." Beca suggested not wanting to watch the two argue for the millionth time. Aubrey bent down to pick up her folder and all of its contents that lay scattered on the concrete. Unfortunately, one of the many pamphlets that were there lay stuck under Bumper's foot. She went to pull it from under his sneaker when the Treblemaker looked down at what he stood on. The title immediately caught his eye along with everyone else that had been watching Aubrey pick up her things. Bumper immediately snatched up the pamphlet, reading its title aloud.

"What do we have here? 'Safe journey to SRS: Sexual Reassignment Surgery!" Beca screamed, doubling over in laughter. Beca turned to look at Aubrey who stood mortified, her lips trembling as she held her stomach, vomit threatening to make its way up. Beca, knowing that the current situation meant terrible things for Aubrey, did the only thing she could think of. She took the folder from Aubrey.

"Thanks for picking up my folder, Bree." She said. All three singers turned to face her with shock on their face.

"Can I have my brochure back?" she snapped at Bumper who looked at her in shock and confusion.

"This is yours?" he asked. Beca stole a quick glance at Aubrey before nodding her head confidently. She knew she was taking a huge risk by claiming the folder Aubrey held was hers and by default the stuff inside including the pamphlet was her, but she didn't care. So what if Bumper would think she was seeking the surgery? And she could already imagine the relentless jokes and harassment he would unleash on her from that moment on. However, she didn't care. If it meant protecting Aubrey and her secret, it didn't matter what Bumper thought. He was a douche anyway.

"Yes, it is. Now can I have it back?" she asked annoyed by his prodding.

"But why would you need this anyway? Do you want to be a man or something?" he asked, the fact that he found humor in the situation written all of his face

Beca rolled her eyes not understanding why he wouldn't drop it but she knew that this was Bumper and he couldn't let anything go. His persistence left her in a position where she now had to come up with a quick response that seemed believable.

She shrugged, "I was thinking about going down a cup size. I figured if they could completely remove someone who wanted SRS, they could shave a cup size or two off me." She mentally applauded herself for the quick response. Bumper's eyes immediately travelled to her breasts causing her to reach out and punch him in the chest for looking at her in such a manner.

"Ouch! Damn, here's your stupid pamphlet." He yelled, throwing the brochure at her. Beca took it, placing it back into the folder before, stuffing the yellow folder into one of the biology books in her arms. She turned to look at Aubrey who remained silent the entire time, her expression unreadable.

"C'mon Bree, let's go." She instructed taking Aubrey's hand in hers, the blonde following silently behind her. As the two walked away she could hear the two Trebles snicker before Bumper called out,

"Beca, since you're really a man, you're welcome to try out for the Treble's next year."

Beca rolled her eyes and shook her head. She knew to expect another 6 months of this before Bumper finally would drop it.

The two walked the rest of the trip to Beca's dorm in complete silence. Not so much because Beca wanted to but more so because Aubrey didn't respond to anything Beca said, causing the DJ to stop speaking also.

When they stepped inside her dorm, Beca dropped Aubrey's things on her desk before making her way over to her mini fridge positioned in the corner of the room.

"Want anything to drink?" she asked, turning to see Aubrey still standing by the door, a blank unreadable expression still painted on her face. She stood upright from where she had been kneeling in front of the fridge and the moment she did Aubrey quickly walked over to her, taking her into a hug. At first thrown off by the sudden action, Beca recovered and wrapped her arms around the blonde.

"Thank you." She whispered into the crook of Beca's neck.

"For what?" the DJ asked, her hands resting on Aubrey's back as the blonde held her tighter.

"For being so selfless…" she answered, stepping back to look at her.

"You said the brochure was yours…You let Bumper think you were a man…you exposed yourself to his torment for months to come…and you did it for me." She continued. Beca smiled at her, taking grabbing Aubrey's hands, lacing their fingers together.

"It was no problem…I really care about you Bree and I know how important it is that no one finds out your secret. So if it means listening to Bumper's jokes and comments, knowing he's going to spread that rumor to everyone on campus, it's ok. I can handle it, but I couldn't handle knowing that your safety was every compromised because of that asshole, ok? So you don't have to thank me, because I'd do it again if I were put in the same position again." Aubrey smiled, hugging Beca again before holding Beca's hand leading them over to the bed.

"Come lay with me?" she asked wanting to be as close to the brunette as possible. Beca obliged, kicking off her boots, allowing Aubrey to lead her to her bed.

Beca reached over to her laptop and opened it, turning it on. She loaded _The Notebook_ into the DVD driver and watched as Aubrey's face lit up at the sight of her favorite film.

The two laid on the bed, Beca's back propped up by her pillows, her laptop sitting in her lap and Aubrey lying comfortably with her head resting on Beca's stomach.

Beca had turned off the lights leaving the room in a soft glow from the setting sun shining in through her window. As the movie went on Beca couldn't help but roll her eyes at the predictability of the movie, like c'mon, kissing in the rain? However, despite her hatred for movies, she did find she enjoyed lying with the blonde. She loved her presence and the ease that comes with being with Aubrey.

"Beca?" Aubrey called out softly, her eyes still focused on the computer screen.

"Yeah?" she asked, looking down at Aubrey.

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

Beca's eyes widened slightly at the question wondering where the blonde's curiosity came from all of a sudden. She didn't think she was ready to tell Aubrey the truth however she knew she shouldn't lie to her. She had been hurt by too many liars in her life and Beca didn't want to be added to that list.

"Well… I do like someone—I actually really like her, but she doesn't want me so—if I can't have her, then I don't want anyone." She answered somewhat melancholically.

"She is a lucky woman." Aubrey mumbled not intending for it to be heard by anyone and any normal individual wouldn't have heard it because of how softly she said it, but Beca's hearing was exceptional and she did hear what Aubrey said.

"Aubrey." She whispered, her voice trembling with anxiousness a million thoughts racing through her mind including the fact that there was no way Aubrey couldn't actually return her feelings; it was impossible. But here she was saying the woman Beca liked was lucky for being on the receiving end of Beca's affection. A sudden spike in bravery, Beca decided it was now or never to test the theory.

"Yes?"

"Look at me." She whispered hoarsely. Aubrey didn't move at first, afraid of what would happen if she complied with Beca's request. However, curiosity got the best of her and she found herself slowly looking up at the DJ and when she did she was met with Beca's lips on her own. The moments their lips touched, her breathing hitched. As the initial shock of it all wore off she was able to process exactly what was happen and when she did she felt a spark of heat rush through her immediately, her face flaming in heat from the emotions that ran through her.

Beca waited, not moving, unsure if Aubrey was going to push her away. When the blonde remained still, she took a chance by placing a hand on the blonde's cheek and tilted her head, hesitantly touching Aubrey's lips with her tongue seeking access.

Aubrey, feeling Beca's tongue, timidly opened her mouth, allowing Beca to deepen the kiss. She was lost then as the DJ's fingers moved to her head, tangling in her blonde tresses, coaxing her to let down her barriers and enjoy the kiss and the moment she did, she was lost. Here she was kissing the woman she had fallen immensely hard for. This was the same woman that brought smiles to her face and made her laugh. The same woman who would do whatever it took to make her happy.

In this moment as the two kissed, Aubrey couldn't help but take in the severity of the situation. She realized that she had completely and whole heartedly given herself to Beca. After tonight she knew there would be no turning back. She had given the DJ her trust and her heart to do with what she pleased and that thought alone scared her. However, for the first time, Aubrey wasn't going to over analyze the situation, she was going to allow herself to enjoy what Beca made her feel and she closed her eyes allowing a moan to escape her.

After a few minutes, the two separated in need of air. They stared at the swollen lips of each other that they had denied tasting for so long. Beca studied Aubrey and placed both of her hands on Aubrey's face. She cupped the blonde's beautiful features and lowered her lips to the blonde's once again, this time for a shorter gentler kiss. Pulling back, she looked into the green eyes in front of her whispering the words that would forever change the dynamic of their relationship,

"Bree, I love you."

* * *

_**How was that everyone? From this point on the story will begin to include more information following Aubrey continuing her transition. Not only do I want to include the developing relationship between the two but I also want to bring light to and inform others about dealing with being transgender To all of those wondering, no I am not transgender and it did require a great deal of research to write this but it's all worth it because I want this to be as accurate and realistic as possible while simultaneously doing the transgender community justice. Once again thank you all for reading and please don't hesitate to review because they really bring light to my already dark life. **_


	7. A Strange Thing Called Love

I'd like to start this chapter off by saying that I write as a therapeutic way of expressing myself. I, in no way, set out to offend anyone in what I write. If you find anything I find write offensive let me know and I'll try my best to fix it. However, with that being said, I find it offensive to receive messages that my entire story is offensive and that I should discontinue writing it and quite frankly, it hurt my feelings. I value every reader's opinions and critiques of my work yet I also would love it if those of you who find what I write to be inaccurate or insensitive to the transgender community to remember that I am human and that my writing isn't perfect. Although I try my best, _**I cannot please everyone**__. _ To Matt, who reviewed as a guest (therefore I can't respond personally) I am sorry about the plight you have faced in life and I'm sorry that my story offends you but based on past reviews there are people out there that do enjoy my story and it would extremely selfish to stop writing something they enjoy because you didn't read the story summary that clearly tells of the story's subject matter. So, the only thing I can say in response is, stop reading. Honestly, I hope you don't even see this note, because you did just that. Wow this note is long. Onto the story.

* * *

When Beca woke that morning, she laid in bed, her eyes still closed, replaying the events of that night. The thoughts alone made her smile. She never thought kissing someone, let alone Aubrey, would elicit the emotion that it did. She opened her eyes slowly and turned over. She immediately frowned when she found she was alone in her bed. Sitting up, she looked around the room and saw that any evidence that Aubrey had been there the night before was nonexistent.

"Bree" she called out, a hand flying to her arm picking at the scar on her forearm, a nervous habit she never grew out of. At the silence that echoed throughout the room Beca stood up anxiously, not wanting to believe that the blonde had left her alone. In the corner of her eye she caught sight of a folded piece of paper resting on top of the DJ's cellphone. For a while she just stared at it, afraid to learn of what was inside before her curiosity got the better of her and she grabbed it.

Opening it slowly, as if what was written determined her fate, the three words on the paper ripped at the small bit of hope that Beca held on to.

_I'm not ready_

Reading the words over and over again, she sat back on the bed, defeated. Everything in her mind had told her not to put her heart out there to the blonde. She knew she was risking a high chance of rejection, but dammit if she cared because she loved the blonde deeply. Her strong affection outweighed her reason and rational and now she wished she had listen to what she had always known, not to trust anyone.

"God, I feel so stupid." She said out loud to no one in particular. However, the longer she sat there the more she realized that she loved Aubrey too much to just let her go.

_Beca, don't give up on her just yet. Everyone has done that. She's probably scared, and you of all people know how it feels to be scared and want to run._

Reaching over to the nightstand she picked up her phone and dialed the only number besides Chloe's that she had memorized.

"_You have reached the voicemail of Aubrey Posen, I am unavailable at the time but you may leave a message after the beep and I will return you call as soon as possible."_

Beca sighed in frustration,

"Aubrey, it's me… I get your scared, I get that but please don't abandon me here, let me know _something."_ She stated into the phone before hitting end on her cell phone. She knew she had to find the older Bella.

Beca stood up, shaking her head in accordance with herself, and pulled on some clothes. She grabbed her cell phone and keys before making her way out of her dorm room in search of the older Bella because she'd be dammed if she was going to lose her without a fight.

* * *

"Hey Beca!" Chloe said in loudly as she opened the door, stepping aside to let the brunette in.

"Hey Chloe, is Aubrey here?" Beca asked looking around the apartment, and frowning when she doesn't spot her.

"Um…No she isn't. She actually just left to go to class."

The DJ sighed, walking over to the couch and flopping down on to it.

"I just wish she would stop shutting me out." She whispered to no one in particular. Chloe joined her on the couch, placing a sympathetic hand on her knee.

"I know but…you just have to give her time. She's fragile. She's _so_ afraid of getting hurt and with all that she's gone through, you have to understand her desire to for some space, right?"

"Yeah, I know. I'm aware of how hard her past is but I'm not asking her to tell me everything. I just—I just want her to give me a chance to at least love her." She confessed before dropping her head into her hands.

"Well do you love here?" Chloe asked softly not wanting to scare away the DJ because she was very aware of how much emotions scared her.

Beca looked out into the distance and airily laughed lightly.

"Yeah—yeah I do. I love her a lot." She admitted, as she turned to look at the redhead. Beca watched her face change for a slight second betraying an emotion that Beca couldn't quite place before it disappeared immediately.

"What do I do, Chlo? I don't want to hurt her, but I feel like I'm doing just that by feeling the way I do about her."

"Beca, you have to give her time to trust you. I'm sure she cares deeply about you but you have to gain her trust. Yeah, you already know her secret but her life is so much more complicated than that." she squeezed the knee her hand rested on reassuringly, "just give her time."

* * *

The two talked for a few more hours, catching up on the time the two spent apart from each other the past week. Chloe watched the DJ make her way to the elevator before closing the door and locking it behind her.

"You can come out now, Bree." She announced as she walked back over to the couch.

"Thanks for covering for me." Aubrey said as she took a seat next to her best friend.

"You know I hate lying to her. You need to tell her the truth before you lose her. People like Beca don't wait around for long when they're afraid and that's what you're doing by not talking to her, you're scaring her."

Aubrey ran a hand through her hair, sighing in defeat.

"I know but I'm just not ready. I've gotten so used to be alone and not having anyone to connect with on _that_ level and then Beca comes into my life and suddenly I'm having all of these feelings I've never had before. It scares me."

"I know Bree, I know it's difficult but it's obvious how you two feel about each other and if you want to have a relationship, you owe it to her to explain ALL of what she would be taking on as your girlfriend."

Aubrey brought her knees to her chest, looking at her friend in sorrow.

"And if I tell her the truth, about Aaron, about my father, about the emotional cripple I am and that I have yet to have my final surgery, will she still want me then?... Will she still love me when she realizes that physically, I'm still a boy in a dress? "

* * *

So this chapter was like pulling teeth. I had a hard time writing this with school getting tougher and losing motivation for a short while, this chapter was difficult to write. But with that being said I'm glad that I got it out the way so that I can go onto the rest of the story. Thanks for reading and I hope you review if even to tell me you think I did something wrong. Oh yeah, to all of those that made suggestions about the story, I've taken them all into consideration and have made changes to certain things pertaining to the future of this story. Hopefully you guys will like them. Expect the next chapter in a couple of days.


	8. Facing the Past

_**Sorry about the long wait but I got stuck on this chapter and couldn't write it for some reason. So I decided to just delete it and start new. Thank you all for being patient and sticking by me. School is kinda getting harder since I'm an English major and I constantly have to write papers on boring topics so that also plays a part in my update schedule. Just thought I'd be honest with you guys about that.  
Warning, this chapter has some mentions of sexual abuse and sexual assault. If you don't want to read them you can just skip the second half of this chapter.**_

Beca sat on her bed, editing the latest interview for her film, periodically looking over to Aubrey who sat next to her studying for a chemistry test she had at the end of the week. She couldn't help but smile at the fact that Aubrey wasn't pushing her away anymore, at least not in the ways she was before. She figured that what she had said to Aubrey the week before had really resonated with the older woman.

_Beca sat outside of Aubrey's apartment in her car looking over the note the blonde had left her that morning. As she sat in the car, hours ticking away and nothing but the moonlight illuminating her car, Beca couldn't help but think that it wasn't worth it anymore. She continuously put herself out there for Aubrey, yet the older Bella had no qualms about hurting her, over and over again. And if Beca was honest with herself it hurt, it hurt like a bitch. However, if she was really being honest she too would realize that she couldn't' leave Aubrey, she loved her too much for that. More so, she knew if she ran the blonde would think she was just like all the others that left and ran out of her life when things got tough. Beca didn't want to be one of those people; she knew how much it hurt to have the ones you thought cared for you run when you needed them the most. With that being said, she placed the note in her pocket and exited her car. She refused to let Aubrey run away from her._

_When the door opened she was met with the surprised face of Chloe. Before the redhead could open her mouth to try and garner an excuse Beca stormed right past her and walked over to Aubrey who was sitting on the couch. Kneeling down in front of her, she took Aubrey's hands in her own and held them tight as the blonde tried to pull them away._

"_Beca what are—"_

"_Aubrey, listen to me. I know you're scared, I get that but you can't run from me. Please, just hear me out ok? I know that you have these impossible barriers around your heart and that you're guarded—I'm guarded too—but somehow, someway, you've made me fall in love with you. There aren't enough words in any language to describe how I feel when I look at you. You are this amazing, beautiful, wonderful, talented, loving woman and I'm so lucky to have met you that day at the activities fair…Aubrey you make me feel that maybe I won't die alone but then again maybe I will because if I don't have you, I don't want anyone else." She said, unable to help the stray tears falling down her eyes. She couldn't help but feel uncomfortable at her vulnerability but she knew it had to be said. She leaned up and their lips connected in a heated kiss filled with exhaustion, desperation, and desire. When they separated she is met with a look of regret and it only made her hurt more._

"_Beca, I'm sorry. But I am not ready for a relationship. I know I'm hurting you with what I'm saying, but it's the truth."_

_Beca wipes at her eyes as she nods in understanding._

"_I understand. It's a good thing that I don't want a relationship with you right now either." She said and when she saw the look on Aubrey's face of shock she continued. "I don't want a relationship because you aren't ready for one and I don't want to do anything you're not ready for. There's nothing more that I want than to call you my girlfriend and hold you and kiss you whenever I want and to love you, but I know you're not ready for it and the last thing I want is to pressure you into something you're not ready for. However, Aubrey I want you to know that somewhere along the way I fell in love with you and I fell hard, so when you are ready, whenever you feel you're ready to take this leap of faith with me, let me know and I'll be right there ready to take you hand." She declared, looking up at Aubrey as she kissed her lightly on the cheek. Aubrey couldn't help the smile that spread across her face before thanking her._

_Beca stood up, but refusing to let go of Aubrey's hands just yet. _

"_I'll be back in the morning to give you some time to think about everything I said. I'll even bring donuts. Consider yourself special, even Red doesn't get donuts in the morning." _

_Aubrey smiled as she walked the DJ to the door, watching as she got in her car before driving away. When she stepped back inside and closed the door she couldn't help the dreamy daze the DJ had left her in. she stood with her back against the door for several minutes thinking of all the things Beca had said._

"_Who would've thought bad ass Beca was a big softie? She's even bringing you donuts. That's so not fair." Chloe teased before walking back over to where she'd been sitting on the couch before Beca arrived. Aubrey rolled her eyes and walked into her room. She dozed off that night with thoughts of the smaller woman swimming though her dreams_

When Aubrey showed up to her room the next night Beca smiled as she stepped aside to let her in and they spent the rest of night enjoying each other's company as they watched TV.

"Beca?"

"Yeah?" she responded, not looking up from her laptop.

"Could you do me a _huge_ favor?"

"Sure." Beca said, still copying clips from her camera to her computer as she waited for the blonde to elaborate on the favor. However, Aubrey remained silent for a few minutes, biting her lip anxiously as she tried to find a way to ask the DJ what she wanted.

"I have an appointment in the morning with a surgeon. I just wanted to know would you be able to drive me there."

"What time?" The DJ asked simply.

"5:40. But I want to leave early so 4:00." She answered, continuing to bite her lip.

"OK." Beca said, before returning to her work. Aubrey turned back to her book a little relieved that she had asked Beca and now it was over. However, she wasn't expecting the simplicity of it all. Beca didn't even ask why she was seeing a surgeon. Did she even care? Suddenly, all of the blonde's insecurities came rushing to the forefront of her mind.

"Are you not going to ask why I'm meeting a surgeon?"

"I'm sure you'll tell me when you're ready." Beca said, still not looking up from her computer.

"What if I'm never ready?" she asked, quietly. This caused Beca to look up at her as she placed a gentle hand on her cheek.

"Then I won't fret about it. Is the surgery safe?" she asked, smiling when Aubrey reached up and placed a hand over the hand on her cheek.

"Yes, the doctor is very skilled in this surgery."

"Then that's all that matters, that you're safe." She said, leaning in to kiss the older Bella.

They then went back to work and continued to work in comfortable silence for another hour or so before Aubrey had to speak up. Beca's nonchalance about the whole thing was bothering her.

"I'm meeting with a surgeon for my upcoming surgery in December during winter break."

"Cool. I can be there while you heal." Beca said, glancing at Aubrey for a split second before her eyes returned to her computer screen. This angered and confused Aubrey. Beca was _too_ accepting. Why did she care so much? Aubrey knew it was just her insecurities talking but a lifetime experience told her that her insecurities about others usually turn out to be warnings about what was to come.

"Why do you care so much? What do you want out of this?" she asked, trying to contain her anger.

Beca sighed, placing her laptop to the side before turning to face Aubrey.

"Aubrey I don't think you get it. I'm in love with you and I care for you deeply. If you're having a surgery done I'm going to be there to make sure you're healed back to health."

Aubrey sat speechless, opening her mouth to try and find something to say before shutting it when no words came out. Beca turned to close her laptop before standing up,

"Hey, you want to get out of the dorm and go eat somewhere?"

Before Aubrey could protest, Beca grabbed her lightly by the hands and pulled her off the bed. Aubrey followed Beca out of the dorm, knowing she had no choice but to go, yet she couldn't help but smile at the thought of not wanting to do anything other than spending the night with Beca.

They grabbed a bite to eat at a diner in the downtown area of Atlanta and Aubrey had to admit she enjoyed it despite not being a big fan of Portuguese cuisine. Afterwards, Beca had parked her car near a park and they walked around the area, looking at the various shops scattering the downtown area.

"Thanks for coming out with me." Beca said as they walked down the sidewalk. Aubrey nodded, smiling as she took a hold of Beca's hand, lacing their fingers together. They continued to window shop when Beca felt Aubrey tense suddenly. She looked up to Aubrey who froze in her place, her eyes gazing out into the distance.

"Can we go?" She pleaded.

Confused, Beca nodded her head and reached into her pocket for her car keys. However, before they could make it to the car they heard someone call out Aubrey's name.

"Aubrey?" Beca turned around to see a stranger; he looked close to their age, maybe two or three years older, walking over to them.

"It is you. I thought I recognized the blonde hair and broad shoulders." The stranger said, laughing lightly to himself.

Beca rolled her eyes, crossing her arms as she looked at the stranger in front of them.

"I'm Aaron." He said, extending his hand to Beca who just looked at it before returning her gaze to him with a scowl on her face.

"Hello." She said tersely, watching as he dropped his hand back to his side.

"So little Aubrey still likes parading around in mommy's dresses?" he said, reaching out to twirl a lock of Aubrey's blonde hair only to have her slap away his hand.

"Don't touch me." She seethed. Noticing how comfortable Aubrey was, Beca turned back to Aaron wanting to know why he was being such an asshole.

"What's it to you. Who the hell do you think you are insulting my girlfriend?" she yelled, not caring that she prematurely referred to Aubrey as her girlfriend.

"So, Bree-Bree didn't tell you about me? Well let's see I dated him when we were kids back in high school. But I did think I was dating a girl and not a confused boy. But, I must say he didn't look anywhere as pretty as he does now." He said mockingly. At this, Beca saw red and reacted before her mind could stop her. Before she knew it, Aaron was on the sidewalk, clutching his jaw.

"Don't you dare disrespect someone as dignified as this beautiful woman you're lucky enough to have graced your presence." She yelled, kicking him in the side as she walked away. Aubrey, awestruck, looked back at the fallen man before allowing Beca to pull her towards the car. When they got in the car they just sat in silence with Beca clutching her bruised knuckles trying to calm down.

"I'm sorry tonight ended so badly. That wasn't my intention when I suggested we go out." She said, reaching out to grab the blonde's hand with her non bruised left one.

Aubrey reached out and gently took a hold of Beca's bruised hand, kissing it lightly.

"I know. It's not your fault. Aaron has always been an asshole to me."

"Who was that guy anyway?" She questioned, but when she saw Aubrey tense up, she quickly tried to change the subject.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, it's ok. I should be honest with you about him… After I graduated from high school I ran off to L.A. and that's where I met him. We met a year after I had my top surgery and I had begun to officially live as a woman."

"But I thought you never had a boyfriend?"

"Aaron and I never got to that point. I think we had gone out on one date before he tried to get into my pants—that is until he felt what was really there." She said trying to lighten the mood, but failing at the sight of Beca's serious expression.

"He left my apartment in an angry disgusted rage. I had never seen him so angry…he—he returned that night while I was asleep. He was drunk and he brought his friends…He let them beat me." She sobbed. "They kicked me, punched me, spit on me. And just when I thought it was over I heard one of them say 'if he wants to be a girl so bad let's see if he sucks like one.'" At this Beca reached out and took the blonde in her arms as she cried.

"It went on for hours and I thought I would die before it ended. When they left I couldn't walk and I had to call 911. When they arrived and saw my naked body I heard one of the EMT's tell the others to leave 'it' there. One of the more sympathetic ones refused to leave me there, no matter my gender and I was brought to a hospital where they told me I had a broken tailbone and shattered knee." She explained through tears as she reached down and pushed her skirt up a bit to reveal the long scar extending from her thigh down to the end of her knee. Beca looked at the woman in her arms as she used her thumb to gently wipe away her tears before leaving over to kiss the scar on her knee.

"Bree, I know I can never erase the terrible past you've had, but I will try my hardest to love you passed the pain."

Aubrey smiled sadly before leaning in to kiss Beca, for the first time allowing herself to be vulnerable with someone other than herself. At that moment she wanted to trust what the DJ said, and as she kissed her deeper, the more she started to believe.

_**Thanks for reading. Let me know what you guys think of this chapter and I've already started the next chapter so expect that in the next couple of days or so. **_


	9. No Regrets

"Beca! Be-caw!"

Beca cringed at the nickname as she turned around to see the treble maker running towards her car.

"Jesse, I thought we discussed not calling me that." She said, slightly annoyed. She knew it was 10 minutes to 4 and if she was late picking up Aubrey, the blonde would be pissed.

"I know, but I like teasing you." He answered with a goofy grin on his face.

Looking down at her watch once more, she looked back to the brunette.

"What do you want? I gotta be somewhere in like five minutes."

"I just came to see how your project was going."

"It's coming along." She said succinctly, trying to end the conversation. To her chagrin, he didn't get the hint and continued to talk.

"That's good. What was your topic again?"

"Gender dysphoria."

"Oh that's right. Does Saunders have it out for you making you do that topic? It's gotta suck, huh?"

"No, it's not so bad. It's good even, I'm learning a lot."

"I guess." He shrugged. "I just don't get it."

He put his hands up in surrender at the indignant expression upon Beca's face "Hey don't give me that look. I'm not homophobic or anything. I'm all for acceptance and all that jazz but I just don't get why a boy would want to be a girl."

Beca scoffed, rolling her eyes at the ignorance he spewed.

"I mean— what so wrong with being a guy—I like it."

"First off, it's transphobic."

"What?"

"You said, you're not homophobic. You meant to say you're not transphobic."

"What's the difference? Aren't they usually gay anyway?" At this Beca could no longer stand and listen to him. She just wanted him to shut up because even though he thought he was trying to be sensitive to the subject, he and his way of thinking were what were wrong with the world in the first place.

She unlocked her car and got inside, staring the engine. Jesse quickly grabbed the door before she could close it.

"Hey, why are you leaving? Was it something I said?"

"You really don't get it do you?" Beca sat back in her seat in defeat, sighing heavily.

"Get what?"

"You say you're not transphobic and you're accepting but yet here you are stereotyping them and being a complete asshole."

"What's the big deal? Why are _you_ so offended? It's not like your one of them."

"And what if I were?" she retorted accusingly.

"But you're not. I'd know if you were." Jesse said, laughing as if everything she said was a big joke meant to amuse him. Seeing the smirk on his face made her want to punch him just to wipe the stupid gin off his face.

"You would, how so?"

"Beca, I'd know if someone I see every day is transgender."

"Well you'd be surprised who manages to hide right in front of you." She said, slamming her door with Jesse only have a split second to remove his hand before it was slammed into the door as well.

She didn't even look at him as she sped off, seething with anger wondering how he dared say things so completely stupid. It bothered her immensely that there are so many people out there like him who thought they were helping and being tolerant when in reality they were just adding to the problem with their "acceptance".

When she pulled up to Aubrey and Chloe's apartment she saw Aubrey sitting on the steps of the brownstone looking at her phone. She honked the horn and the blonde looked up and smiled at her.

"I'm so sorry I'm late." She said as the blonde got in the car, pulling her seat belt across her chest.

"It's ok. I know you didn't do it on purpose."

Beca turned in slightly to look at the blonde. She really wasn't angry and it surprised her. She couldn't help the big smile that spread across her face.

They drove in relative silence a part from Aubrey giving her directions every so often. As they sat in traffic on the highway, Aubrey uncharacteristically bit her nails in nervousness. She had debated all morning about whether or not she should tell Beca about what the appointment actually was for. It kept her up all night and when she finally fell asleep, the sun was just beginning to rise.

"Hey, are you ok?" Beca asked, not taking her eyes off the road.

"Yeah. Just thinking about some stuff."

"Yeah, I can tell. I can hear your brain frying all the way over hear."

"No, I'm ok, really."

Beca stole a quick glance at the older woman, "If you say so. Just remember I'm here if you want to talk." She said, reaching over to take a hold of Aubrey's hand, lacing their fingers together.

Aubrey looked down at their joined hands and back at the DJ, audibly gulping. She took a deep breath before spilling her secret.

"I'm going to this doctor for a consultation on bottom surgery."

Beca squeezed her hand tighter before saying ok. Aubrey will look at her stunned from her reaction. Thinking maybe she didn't hear her correctly, or maybe misunderstood, Aubrey elaborated, feeling bolder about what she was saying.

"I'm having a vaginoplasty."

"Ok." was all Beca said, again. As if a repeat of the night before, Aubrey was frustrated at the DJ's lack of response or reaction.

"Beca, I still have a penis." she yelled angrily.

"I got it the first time." Beca responded, her eyes still on the road.

"That's all you're going to say. I just revealed something serious to you and you respond with a smart-ass remark?" she shouted, snatching her hand out of the grasp of Beca. Beca sighed before pulling over to the side of the road. She unbuckled her seatbelt before turning in her seat to completely face the angry blonde. She reached out to take Aubrey's hand, but the other Bella moved away, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Bree, I said ok because it _is _ok. It really is. So what you have a penis? I told you already, Bree, I'm in this for the long run.

She looked at the Dj hesitantly, "Do you really mean that?"

"Yes I do. I love you and nothing you say can make me stop loving you…unless you hate puppies. Because I don't think I can love a puppy hater." Beca explained.

Aubrey turned towards her, trying her hardest to still look angry. Unfortunately, her smile betrayed her and she found herself laughing at the other woman.

"You're crazy." She said. Beca laughed with her,

"But you love me anyway" She retorted, turning back in her seat. She put back on her seatbelt before pulling back onto the main road once again.

"Yes I do." Aubrey whispered to herself, unaware of the smile Beca donned at hearing what she said.

They arrived at the doctor's office with fifteen minutes to spare. When Aubrey went to get out of the car and saw that Beca hadn't moved she turned to look at her in confusion.

"You're not coming?"

Beca looked at her incredulously. "You want me to come inside with you?"

"Yes I do."

Beca smiled as she got out of the car and the two bellas walked to the building hand in hand.

As they sat in the waiting room, waiting for Aubrey's name to be called, Beca looked over the several magazines they had scatted across the table to her left. At the moment she was reading an article on vaginoplasties. She was amazed at the before and after pictures. Showing Aubrey the magazine she said in astonishment,

"They look 100% real."

Aubrey playfully rolled her eyes, "that's the point." She responded, turning the page in her own magazine.

"You think they can get mine to look that sexy?"

Aubrey looked up from her Cosmo magazine but before she could respond her name was called. She handed her magazine to Beca who said she would wait where she was. Beca sat for the next hour and looked over the several magazines. She knew the receptionists were looking at her weird for how closely she was examining the vaginas in the magazines but she didn't care, she was _so_ fascinated. She didn't even realize that Aubrey had come out until she called her name.

"You act as if you've never seen one before." Aubrey said, reaching to snatch the magazine from Beca, placing back in its spot on the table.

"Not one that looked that good." She smirked as they walked out of the building and back to the DJ's car.

They decided to grab lunch after that. Beca recommended a bar and grill restaurant that was near campus.

* * *

Aubrey handed the waiter her menu before looking back at Beca.

"Thanks for taking me to my appointment."

Beca waved her hand at the blonde, "It was no big deal."

The moment Beca raised her hand Aubrey caught sight of something on the DJs wrist. She sat silently as they waited for their food, debating with herself whether or not she should bring it up.

"Beca?"

"Yeah?"

"What's that on your wrist?"

Beca's eyes immediately shot up from her phone to the blonde. She stuttered, trying to find an excuse and was glad when the waiter arrived with her food.

"Thank you." She said to the young teenager who smiled at the two before walking away.

"This looks so good!" Beca said, a little too enthusiastically.

"Don't change the subject Beca. Let me see your wrists."

Beca frowned, pulling her shirt sleeve down further. Aubrey looked at her sympathetically,

"Hey, you've been here for me, let me do the same for you."

Beca sighed before hesitantly rolling up her sleeve to reveal a series of cuts running the span of her forearm. Although there were slashes of varying shades, many of them were faded and Aubrey could tell Beca hadn't done it in a while. For that, she was glad.

"I'm sorry." She said, running her thumb slightly across one of the darker marks.

Beca pulled her arm back, self-consciously rolling back down her sleeve.

"Do you mind if I ask why?"

"You don't get to be an out, gay teenager in a conservative town like the one I came from, particularly in the household I come from… I don't only hate my dad for abandoning me and my mom." She said shrugging in indifference to hide the pain the conversation was making rise to the surface.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I don't like to talk about it. I don't do it anymore so I never saw the need to talk about past pain… so Bree, although I may not be able to relate to your personal experiences, I understand what it feels like to have those you love hurt you for being who you are."

Aubrey smiled sadly at her reaching across the table to hold her hand.

The two ate, comfortable in each other's presence as they talked about how excited Aubrey was about her surgery. Their conversation was interrupted by the restaurant host coming on stage to announce that open-mic would be ending after the final performance in a few minutes. Not soon after two boys who looked to be a year or two younger than them got on stage with an acoustic guitar and acoustic bass. He began to strum the opening chords to the song and the audience began to clap the moment they recognized the song.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you__  
__'Cause I know that you feel me somehow__  
__You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be__  
__And I don't want to go home right now__  
_

Beca looked over to Aubrey who looked to the stage, her face expressionless. She tightened her grasp within the blonde's hand and Aubrey smiled at her before turning her attention back to the stage.

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive_

The DJ could see in her peripheral that the older Bella was wiping at her eyes and when she turned to face her, Beca could see that she was crying.

"Hey, I know they aren't harmonizing perfectly, but it's not that bad."

Aubrey will wipe at another tear, laughing lightly.

"It's just that this song has really gotten me through some really hard times." She explained

The two watched as he finished up the song and they decided that it was time to head home since it was getting pretty late. As they drove back to Aubrey's apartment the two sadly looked out their windows at the rain that had begun to pour down. When they arrived at the blonde's apartment the two didn't get out right away. The rain had begun to pour down pretty hard and neither woman was ready to step out of the warmth of the car yet.

"You know we'll have to get out at some time." Beca smirked.

"Yeah I know." Aubrey said, looking out the window fearfully.

"I'm ready when you are." Beca said. The two exited the car, taking each other's hand as they ran to the safety of Aubrey's apartment, finding shelter on the front step of the brownstone. Soaking wet, the two couldn't help the laughter that erupted from them at the odds of the heavy rain pouring so late in the night. The two continued to laugh and Aubrey couldn't help but notice how beautiful she thought Beca looked with her wet locks framing her face. Before she could think about what she was doing she grabbed Beca by the belt loops, pulling her closer until they were just inches apart. Their lips met shyly at first before the fire burning inside of each them forced the kiss to intensify. She pushed deeply into the DJs mouth as she forced her tongue into hers. They battled, bot wanting to feast on what they had denied themselves. She clung to Beca, balling the material of her shirt into her hands, as her head twisted to the right then the left. Each time she moved, she drove deeper inside the DJs welcoming mouth.

The two parted after the need for air became apparent. Aubrey, realizing what they had just done, closed her eyes. However this time she didn't feel guilt or regret, she felt exhaustion. Exhaustion from trying to keep of the façade that she didn't want the DJ when in reality she wanted the smaller woman, she wanted her badly.

"Please, don't make me regret this." She whispered. Beca stepped closer causing the blonde to step back leaving her sandwiched between the door and the DJ. She placed a hand at the side of Aubrey's head on the door to support herself before leaning in once again to capture the blonde's lips, this time in a gentler kiss.

"You won't." She whispered. The two stayed in the close embrace for several seconds, just looking at each other, preparing to kiss again when the sound of the door unlocking forced the two to separate. The door swung open to reveal a humored redhead.

"I wish you two wouldn't have sex where all the neighbors could see."

Both woman rolled their eyes at Chloe, who stood with her arms crossed, staring at the two with an accusatory smirk on her face.

Aubrey stuck her tongue out at the redhead who returned the gesture before turning back to the DJ.

"I'll see you tomorrow Beca." She said. She turned to make sure Chloe had gone inside the apartment before quickly stepping back out the door to give Beca a quick kiss.

The DJ, made her way down the stairs to her car, not caring if it were still raining. She was too excited about what had just happened to care about something as trivial as the rain. It took every fiber of her being to not jump in excitement just in case Aubrey was watching her.

Aubrey closed the door, her heart still beating in excitement from the kiss she shared with the younger woman. She left her wet shoes at the door and prepared to make her way to the bathroom to change out of her wet clothes when her cell phone vibrated. Seeing that it was a text from Beca, she went into her bedroom and sat on the bed. As she read the words she couldn't help the tears that clouded her eyes. She knew in that moment that she had made the right decision and that the DJ wouldn't make her regret her decision…that she wasn't going to regret falling in love.

"_Aubrey, your heart is made of the most fragile glass and its thousand pieces, shattered by years of hurt and betrayal, are barely being held together by the glue of hope. You have no idea how grateful I am and how much I appreciate you for trusting me enough to put back the pieces of your heart with something much stronger than hope…love."_

* * *

_**How was that everyone? Did you like it, did you not? What about the things Jesse said? Let me know how you guys felt about this chapter.**_

_**Oh yeah, the song I used was "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. It's a great song and I recommend it to everyone. Thanks for reading and I hope you review to let me know how you felt about it.**_


	10. Jamie

_**It seems that the interest in this story has waned; I hope that isn't the case. Nevertheless, I will soldier on and continue with this story for those who are still reading.**_

* * *

_3 months later_

Aubrey turned over, reaching out instinctively for the DJ. When she felt the right side of the bed was empty, she opened her eyes in search of Beca.

"Good morning." She said, sitting up in the bed. Beca turned from where she was packing her bag and walked over to the blonde. She leaned over to kiss her lightly only to have Aubrey place a hand on her cheek to deepen the kiss.

"Where are you headed off to?" she asked when they separated.

"I have an interview today." Beca responded, walking back over to her bag.

"Oh really? With whom?"

"It's at this high school in Savannah."

"Savannah? Why so far for an interview?" Aubrey asked, getting out of bed making her way into the bathroom connected to her bedroom.

"Because I'm going to interview the advisor of the GSA at Carter High school. He rallied for their school to install gender neutral bathrooms for the transgendered students. It went all the way to the school board and he won. By the next school year the bathrooms were in along with more funding for the school to implement programs to help the transgender community at the school as well." Beca explained, checking over her camera bag once again to make sure everything was there.

Aubrey peeked out of the bathroom, her toothbrush still in her mouth,

"Can I come with you?"

"Sure. You can be beside me as I ask the questions."

Aubrey smiled before returning to the bathroom to continue to getting ready.

* * *

Aubrey sat in the chair next to Beca so enthralled with the GSA advisor in front of the camera, Mr. Gregory. As Beca moved onto her next question regarding the petition he started, she caught sight of a girl standing by the door nervously clutching her books to her chest as well as trying to pull her book bag back onto her shoulder. However, as soon as Aubrey noticed her, the girl walked away once she noticed that Mr. Gregory was busy. Excusing herself, Aubrey walked out of the classroom to follow the girl. She spotted her siting on the floor by the gym, picking at a stray string sticking out of her jeans. The closer she got, the more aware Aubrey became of the girl's situation. As she approached the girl, she could see more and more of the scared girl she used to be with each nearing step. The long hair cascading down her back and over her shoulders to hide her protruding Adams apple. Ill-fitting clothes. It was as if she had looked into her past and was seeing herself through a mirror. She realized that this wasn't a normal girl. She and the teenager in front of her were one and the same.

For a moment, Aubrey wasn't sure if she should approach the girl. She knew if she were in her shoes she wouldn't want a stranger walking up to her. However, she could tell something was bothering her and she wanted nothing more than to help.

So, deciding against her better judgment, she took a seat next to the mysterious girl on the floor.

"Hey, what's your name?" Aubrey asked lightly, not wanting to scare her away.

The teen looked up startled, as if she had just become aware of the blonde's presence.

"Jamie." She said hoarsely in a dry falsetto to hide the pubescent break in her voice.

"Hi Jamie, I'm Aubrey." She responded with a bright smile as she extended her hand. Jamie looked at her hand skeptically and then at her before shaking the Bella's hand. However, it didn't last long and Jamie pulled her hand away, self-consciously pulling on the sleeve of her short shirt that had risen up her forearm.

"I saw that you wanted to talk to Ms. Gregory. Is there anything maybe _I_ can help you with?"

"No, I just wanted to talk about a friend of mine." She explained, returning to her pants leg to pick at the stray piece of thread. Aubrey raised an eyebrow skeptically at the teen, smirking sideways at her.

"Is this _friend_ a boyfriend?"

Jamie steals a quickly glance at Aubrey before hesitantly nodding her head yes. Aubrey reached out and grabbed Jamie's hand, taking it gently in hers.

"Hey, I know I'm a stranger but sometimes it helps to talk about what's bothering us." She said reassuringly. Jamie looked at her once again and smiled shyly at the sincerity in her voice and eyes.

"I—we—he broke up with me." He declared sadly. Aubrey tightened her hand around the teens.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Did he at least say why?"

"He said he wanted a real girl."

Aubrey sighed sadly, placing a gentle hand on Jamie's knee in comfort.

"Well he's a loser if he can't see that you're as much as girl as anyone…It's probably for the better, anyway. He probably had a small pecker anyway." This elicited a giggle from the teen.

"There's a smile." Aubrey cheered causing the teen to smile even brighter.

"It's just... I've lived with him since I was 13. I don't know what I'm going to do now." She cried, her head falling dejectedly into her awaiting hands. Aubrey embraced the younger girl, rubbing her back soothingly as she sobbed. To hear that she didn't live at home with her parents didn't surprise Aubrey but it still hurt her to hear that someone as young as the girl in her arms had nowhere to turn.

"I mean he wasn't the greatest boyfriend but at least he was someone who stayed. He didn't run out on me when everyone else did. I guess I was stupid for trying to believe that someone would want someone like me."

"That's not true. You're a beautiful girl and I know it hurts but it _will_ get better. Trust me."

Jamie looked up separating form the blonde, scowling through tear filled eyes.

"What do you mean trust you? How do you know it's going to get better? You don't understand. You don't understand how much I hurt when Jason says things like I'm a 'faggot in a skirt'. You don't understand the looks I get at the goodwill store trying to find women's clothes that fit me. You don't know how it feels so _don't_ say you do."

Aubrey could feel her heart break knowing all too well exactly how she felt because she was in her exact position less than 5 years ago. Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair as she sat back against the wall.

"The looks you get while you stand between the two bathrooms, not sure which one to go in. You want to use the female bathroom but you get weird looks by the girls in there and in the men's bathrooms you get harassed. The shame and disgust at having to shave the facial hair that keeps growing. The fear that someone will know. The fear that someone will find out and tell people. But worst of all the betrayal you feel by your own body."

Jamie looked up in surprise, speechless at what she was hearing.

"You—you can't be." She stuttered. Aubrey turned to look at her,

"What makes you think that?"

"Because you're beautiful." The teen said simply, staring down at her hands sadly. Turning fully to face the teen, Aubrey took her hands in hers.  
"And so are you. I know that it hurts Jaime and that sometimes it seems like maybe dying is better, but trust me, being a girl like us; we have to be patient because it's a waiting game. Believe me; you'll get the body that you want, if you just hang in there." She said.

"But then what? What if I don't get the surgery? I can't afford it and there's no way my parents' will pay for it. Who will want me then? I'll never find someone to love me."

Aubrey leaned in closer,

"Jamie, can I tell you a secret?"

Jamie nodded earnestly.

"I haven't had bottom surgery." Aubrey revealed quietly. Chuckling at the surprise on Jamie's face as her eyes immediately traveled to her crotch, she continued.

"You see that girl in there?" she asked pointing at the DJ still immersed in conversation, that's my girlfriend, and I love her with every fiber of my being and she loves me just the same. She knows about my past and she knows what I do and don't have yet she still loves me despite it. So Jamie, you see, you will find someone who loves you for you and when you do, you'll see that it can get better." Jamie looked over to Beca in the classroom and smiled genuinely.

"Here, take this number, it's a counselor. She helped me when I was homeless and she'll help you get past that scum of a boyfriend." Aubrey said as she scribbled a number down on the back of an old receipt she pulled out of her purse.

Jamie took the piece of paper and clutched it to her heart as if it were a lifeline…it was a lifeline.

"James, get to class." Aubrey could see her visibly cringe at what she assumed was her birth name. She looked up to the teacher and back to Jamie who was gathering her bags. The older Bella stood up before extending her hand to help Jamie up. Once again, the teen adjusted her shirt which Aubrey could see was more than a few sizes too small for her tall slender frame.

Without a second thought, Aubrey took off her cardigan and draped it around the teen's shoulders. Reaching up, she brushed the stray hairs out of Jamie's face and smiled at her.

"It really accents your eyes." Jamie smiled brightly looking at the cardigan. Hearing the teacher clear his throat signaling for them to leave, Jamie thanked her, clutching the cardigan to her shoulder as she walked off to class.

Aubrey watched her until she disappeared down the hall off before turning to return to Beca in the classroom. However before she could get to the door she was met with Beca walking out with her camera bag slung over her shoulder.

"Over already?"

"Yeah, you were gone for a while. Where did you go anyway?" Beca questioned, taking Aubrey's hand in hers as they made their way out of the school.

"I just met a special girl."

Seeing the smile plastered on her girlfriend's face she tightened her grip on Aubrey's hand as they approached her car.

"She must have had some effect on you."

"She did. She reminded me of the dark time in my life but," she leaned over to kiss the DJ. "She also showed me how lucky I am now." Beca smiled at her before leaning in to kiss her once again.

"You're not the only one."

* * *

_**So there you have it. Instead of reading for the class I have in 20 minutes, I'm posting another chapter. Reviews or not, I'm glad there are people interested in this story. From this point forward, there will be a lot more angst, especially with Aubrey's pending surgery. Also, expect a surprise twist that will really test the strength of Aubrey and Beca's relationship.**_


	11. Is Blood Thicker Than Water?

_**Thanks for all the reviews. I'm glad that everyone is still reading and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**_

Aubrey went over all the procedures of post-surgery care for the umpteenth time with Beca. They had been going over it all afternoon and the Dj was sure she could recite it by heart now.

"So after I'm released—" she began only to be interrupted by the DJ placing a hand on top of hers to stop her.

"Bree, I understand what to do. Just let me be here for you, it's that simple."

Aubrey sighed, looking down at the memo pad in her hand. She couldn't help but chuckle to herself at how stressed she was over he pending surgery.

"This is a bit much, huh?"

"Ya think?" Beca retorted earning a light shove in response. Beca, feeling quite childish, returned the shove causing Aubrey to gasp before pushing Beca once again.

"Hey you cant push me." Aubrey said trying not to crack a smile.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm your girlfriend and that would constitute as domestic violence." She explained nodding her head once to confirm her point.

"Ok, 'Ms. Future lawyer', if you know so much, is this also domestic violence?" Beca asked and before Aubrey could question what the DJ was referring to, she was tackled by Beca who then straddled her waist and unleashed a relentless assault of tickling on her.

Aubrey's laughter erupted from within her, filling the living room.

"Beca stop!" she screamed through fits of laughter.

"You don't like to be tickled huh?" Beca asked, her fingers brushed down the sides of the Bella's body and up over her stomach.

"No, please, Beca!" she pleaded, her legs thrashing as she tried to buck the DJ off with her hips.

"I can't stop Bree. I just love tickling you." Beca stated as she ghosted her fingers over Aubrey's stomach once again, sending more laughter flying out of the blonde's mouth. Feeling that Aubrey had enough, she stopped and looked down at the girl under her. Aubrey was gasping trying to catch her breath and Beca couldn't help but watch as the blonde's chest heaved up and down.

As Aubrey tried to even out her breathing, she realized that Beca's hands were now stroking her stomach, but this time they weren't tickling her. She looked up into Beca's eyes. They were half shut and dark with desire. Aubrey parted her lips just a crack and licked them lightly.

Beca leaned closer towards Aubrey's face, her hips still planted on top of the blonde's. For a few moments they stared at each other, Beca's dark gray eyes dwelling over Aubrey's blue ones.

"You're beautiful." Beca whispered.

Aubrey closed her eyes as she blushed harshly.

Aubrey inhaled sharply when she felt Beca's lips fall down upon her own. Exhaling, she placed a hand on the DJ's neck to draw her deeper into the kiss.

Aubrey gasped as she felt the DJ sliding her tank top up higher, exposing her ribs and white bra. Beca used one of her hands to gently grab one of Aubrey's breasts while the other stroked her cheek lovingly.

Aubrey relished in Beca's hunger to feel her and she sucked the DJ's tongue into her mouth and savored it. Her fingers dug into the flesh of Beca's arms and back as their passionate make out continued.

Aubrey relaxed into the couch drawing Beca into her, allowing the DJ to touch her breasts unable to help the moans she emitted. Taking the older Bella's sighs of satisfaction as a good signal Beca became more courageous and placed her hand under Aubrey's t shirt to feel the real thing and was met with Aubrey bucking her hips and that's when she felt something strange. Choosing to ignore it, Beca continued touching her girlfriend, savoring the level of intimacy that Aubrey was allowing them, but then she felt it again. This time, Beca stopped wanted to get to the bottom of what was poking her in her abdomen.

When Beca pulled away, Aubrey whimpered in dissatisfaction. She opened her eyes and when she saw that Beca wasn't looking at her, she followed her eyes which led her to her crotch and the evident erection in her pants.

"Fuck!" she cried as she threw Beca off of her and ran to her bedroom, tears forming, despite Beca's pleas for her to say. Immediately locking the door she burst into tears, pulling at her hair, a nervous habit, unsure of what to do. Grabbing her cell phone she dialed the only person she could

"_hello?"_

"Chloe?"

"_Bree? Is something wrong, you sound upset?"_

"I—We—Beca and I were making out and it happened?"

"What happened Aubrey? Your confusing me."

"I got a fucking erection Chloe! The hormones I take, they stopped those like 4 years ago but my surgeon made me stop taking them a week ago because of my surgery coming up. Beca and I were making out and all of a sudden I got a fucking erection out of nowhere. I feel so stupid! So so so stupid!" she cried.

"_Look Bree, I understand your upset but don't you think this is the perfect time to be honest with Beca about __**everything**__? About your insecurities, your dysphoria, all of it. Because if you don't, you being really unfair to her."_

Aubrey remained silent, trying to process everything that the redhead had said. Looking down at her crotch, she saw that her erection was still semi their and the sight of it caused her to break down again.

"I can't Chloe. I don't think I can do this. Maybe this relationship was a mistake. "

"_Bree, listen to me. You deserve to be happy and you should allow Beca to be the one to make you happy. Trust her for once and just tell her the truth."_

"But—"

"_No 'buts' Bree. Go tell her, now." _Chloe stated firmly,

"_Just remember that she loves you and the last thing she wants to do is hurt you."_

The two bid each other goodbye before hanging up. Yet as Aubrey ended the call she still wasn't completely convinced that she was ready to face Beca about what had happened.

Standing up, she trudged over to her dresser and pulled out a pair of thicker sweat pants. Sliding out of the thin shorts she was wearing, she pulled the sweat pants up her legs and over her waist, glad that her erection was now gone.

She walked to her bedroom door and slowly opened it. Peeking her head out, she saw Beca still sitting on the couch.

Stepping out the comfort of her room, she quietly made her way to the couch where the DJ sat. feeling a dip in the couch, Beca's head shot up from where her face rested in her hands.

"I'm so sorry, baby!" she said immediately. Aubrey placed a hand on her forearm to stop her.

"It's not your fault. I—I haven't been completely fait to you and I should let you know what's going on with me emotionally before we go into this relationship." Sighing, she wiped at tear that managed to escape and roll down her cheek before she continued.

"That broken little girl you saw in that video, that's still me inside, Beca. I still struggle with my dysphoria to this day and it really hasn't gotten any better and it's mainly due to the fact that I have completed my transition. My—it bothers me so much Beca and I should have told you this when I agreed to be in a relationship with you. I don't like to touch it, acknowledge it, or even look it. I would appreciate it if you would do the same."

"I understand, Bree. I'm so sorry that I stared at it. I had no intention of touching it, I was just caught off guard because honestly, I forgot for a second that you getting a…getting an erection was even possible. . I'm sorry I was so insensitive to gawk at it."

Aubrey looked at Beca as she rambled and was surprised at what she was hearing.

"You forgot?" she asked.

"Yeah. I was stupid and a jerk and it won't happen again—"

She was interrupted by Aubrey kissing her

"You forgot!" she exclaimed between gentle pecks on the DJ's lips.

"You forgot—you really do see me as a girl."

Beca looked at her in surprise before responding, "Well yeah, why would I see you as anything except my girlfriend?"

Aubrey looked at Beca, her heart swelling with emotion, and before she could help, she was uttering the words she had never said to anyone before.

"I love you."

Beca looked at her in surprise before smiling.

"I love you too, Bree. I love you so much."

* * *

Aubrey was awakened, startles at the high pitch ring of her cell phone.

"Christ!" she sighed in exhaustion, as she untangled herself from Beca's arms to reach her phone on the side table.

Groggily placing the phone to her ear, she forced her eyes open and replied, "Hello?" It was three a.m. and she had no idea who would call her so late at night.

"Bree" came a hurried reply from the other end of the phone line.

"Eric?" she asked in disbelief. She hadn't spoken to her brother in close to four years, yet here he was calling her in the middle of the night.

"Yeah. It's Ma. She's sick and she was just rushed to the hospital."

"What do you mean she's sick?"

"Aubrey, she—she has cancer, she was diagnosed about 2 years ago."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" she yelled, causing Beca to wake up and look at her in concern. Before she could ask what was wrong, the blonde held up her hand signaling to hold on.

"Because, dad, he—he doesn't like us talking to you."

"But she's my mother, too." She seethed, receiving an audible sigh from the other end.

"I know and that's why I'm calling you. We're at Mercy General. Please get here as soon as you can."

Aubrey sighed, agreeing to be there immediately before handing up her phone.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Beca asked, reaching over to turn on the lamp.

"It's my mother, she's in the hospital." She said, getting out of the bed. Beca followed her out of the bed, pulling on the clothes she had discarded on the side of the bed. The two got dressed quickly, Aubrey not meeting Beca's eyes as she sobbed silently to herself.

The ride to the hospital was deathly silent, sporadic sobs from Aubrey being the only sounds to break the quiet. Beca fumbled with the radio knob to try and lessen the stress in the car but Aubrey quickly switched it off and sank back in her seat, distracting herself by pushing the window button and watching the glass slide up and down. Luckily there weren't many people on the road that early in the morning and they managed to make it to the hospital within minutes.

As they walked to the emergency room entrance, hand in hand, Aubrey stopped her from proceeding through the doors.

"My father will say things, but no matter what, do not respond. It'll only make things worse"

"Ok." Beca said.

"No, say you understand. Don't try and argue with him, ok?" she elaborated, complete terror evident in her eyes.

"Ok, Aubrey. I understand." Beca responded. When Aubrey was satisfied that Beca understood, she allowed them to continue into the hospital. They found the relevant waiting room, outside the private room her mother was in, and sat down silently. Aubrey clasped her hands together to stop them from shaking so much.

"Aubrey?"

Both Bellas looked up to see a tall man walking towards them. Aubrey immediately stood up and hugged him tightly. Despite her estrangement from her family, Eric had always secretly supported her and being in his arms reminded her how much she missed her older brother.

"How is she?" she asked when they separated.

"The doctor says is pneumonia. It's normally harmless but with her weekend immune system, he's worried that it may be fatal."

"I—I want to see her."

"I don't think that's good idea right now." The older Posen said but before he could elaborate, he was stopped by a young woman approaching.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" she seethed. Aubrey looked past her brother to her approaching sister, Jennifer.

"I wanted to be here for my mother."

"Well I think you should leave. Dad is in there with her and he doesn't need the added stress of you being here."

"How can I possibly cause him stress?"

Jennifer scoffed, crossing her arms as she stared her down accusingly. "Are you serious? Look at you. You think he likes seeing his _son_ dressed like this. Why can't you be normal and stop trying to piss him off?"

Choosing to ignore the insults being thrown at her, she swallowed her anger. "She's still my mother. Why didn't you tell me she was sick?"

"Because my wife's health is a family matter and you are no longer apart of this family." All three Posens turned to see their father walking towards them, a permanent scowl painted on his face.

"But she's you daughter." Beca retorted from where she sat behind them. Aubrey turned towards her, pleading with her to remain silent but it was too late. Her father had already heard her remark.

"How about you mind you damn business!"

Not wanting to start a fight or being in the presence of her father, she walked past him into her mother's room. Seeing her mother connected to several wires going in and out of her arms, a gas mask on, pumping oxygen into her body, it was too much for her to process. Although her mother hadn't been supportive to her, she wasn't cruel, and deep down Aubrey still loved her. Slowly making her way over to her, Aubrey reached out for the pale hand that lay hanging off the side of the bed. Her free hand reached up. Her hand shook as it cupped the edge of her mother's cheek, and brushed the plastic of the oxygen mask.

Her mother's eyes fluttered open for a split second before shutting once again, an obvious effect of the drugs, yet Aubrey didn't miss the cold hand in hers tighten in her grasp.

"Both of my boys are here." She whispered through the oxygen mask. Unable to help the tears falling from her eyes, Aubrey just nodded her head. She looked up to the window overlooking the room and met the menacing stare of her father as he glared at her through the glass.


	12. Redemption and Mistake

_**Thanks for all that gave me your opinion. It seems my next story will be Mitchsen, no surprise there. Honestly, I prefer to right them since their relationship, whether sexual or platonic, is a complicated one and I really enjoy exploring the complexity of it. Plus like many of you said, there are a ton of bechloe fics out there so the fandom won't miss mine. Anyway, that story will be up in a couple of days so look out for it. It's called "Songs of Sodom" And now without further ado, onto the actual story that you're here to read.**_

* * *

Aubrey couldn't remember leaving the bank that day as she sat in her car. The door was open and one foot was on the concrete, the other inside the car as she struggled to catch her breath. Her chest throbbed and her heart felt as if it were caught in a vice grip. She was overcome with rage and sorrow, sobs shaking her body as tears ran down her. She clutched the piece of paper in her hand from her personal banker. It was given to her but she couldn't bring herself to look at it until she pulled herself into the car, shut the door and flattened the paper out on the steering wheel in front of her. It was a printout of her account activity with one large withdrawal staining the sheet. She fingered the numbers on the paper, in particular the final zero, blinking away her final tears to prepare for her drive home. Placing the paper on the passenger seat, she pushed away her emotions, took a deep breath, and started her car.

She tried to focus on the driving and the road in front of her. She turned on her radio, turning the volume up to its maximum so that Carrie Underwood drowned out her thoughts. Cristina Perri was playing when she pulled in front of her brownstone and she had begun crying again. She turned off her car and sat for a moment, letting her tears roll down her face.

The apartment was empty and cold when she walked in since Chloe had been gone for the week visiting her family. Distantly, she becomes aware of the phone ringing. Sniffling and wiping at her eyes, she pulled her phone out of her back pocket. Looking at the caller id, she saw her girlfriend's name flash across the screen and she wanted to break down once again.

"Bree?" her voice sounded muffled as if she was distracted and trying to hold the phone.

"Hey." Was all she could manage before her throat closed up. She didn't want to cry while on the phone.

"I was calling to let you know I'm on my way. I grabbed that veggie lover's pizza you like so much.

Aubrey can't even speak. Her knees feel weak immediately and she knows she needs to sit before she faints. Hurrying to the couch, she sits and pulls her legs up to her chest.

"Bree, are you there?" Beca's voice sounding concerned as she called out for her.

"I'm here." She said. "That's fine."

Beca doesn't say anything for a minute as if she can tell something's wrong.

"Ok. I'll be there in a few, ok?"

"Yeah."

"I love you, Aubrey."

"I love you too." Aubrey whispered into the phone before hanging up abruptly. She placed the phone on the arm of the couch and pulled one of the pillows over her legs, feeling numb.

Beca made her way into Aubrey's apartment carrying two boxes of pizzas and several dvds. She kicked the door shut behind her not taking notice of the blonde sitting on the couch.

"Aubrey" she called out. "Pizza's here!"

"Beca, I'm in here." Aubrey said quietly. Beca, startled by the voice, turned towards the living room and saw Aubrey sitting on the couch clutching a pillow to her chest. Sitting the boxes on the counter, she made her way into the living room where her girlfriend sat. The closer she walked, the more evident it became that Aubrey was crying. The blonde's body trembled and shook as her body was taken over by sorrow.

Beca cautiously crouched in front of her.

"Are you ok?" she asked curling her hands in the blonde's. Aubrey had unknowingly been gripping the pillow tightly and the moment she felt Beca's hands in her own, she felt blood make its way back into her stiff fingers.

Another sob escaped Aubrey as she continued to stare out in front of her blankly. Beca sat patiently waiting for a response when she noticed that Aubrey had closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the couch as if she was going to sleep. The DJ had thought she dozed off when her voice suddenly broke the silence.

"My father hired a woman to take my virginity. He said it was to make a man out of me. I was only 13. I hated every minute off it. She smelled like stale peppermint and cheap lipstick. The second time he brought me to the motel to meet with her I cried and refused. He beat me right there in the parking lot—no one did anything—they just got in their cars and drove off. That's how my mom found out, the bruises. After that my father stopped speaking to me."

Beca furrowed her brow and placed a trembling hand on Aubrey's shoulders trying to make her look towards her.

"Baby, you're scaring me, please tell me what's wrong." She demanded, taking a seat next to her.

For the first time, Aubrey turned towards her girlfriend, her eyes puffy and red.

"My surgeon called… my card was declined."

It took Beca a minute to catch on to what the older Bella was referring to and when she did, she looked at Aubrey, tightening her grasp on her hand.

"Huh, I don't understand. I thought you paid for your surgery months ago."

"I did. However, Dr. Errico's practice doesn't actually bill you until a week before the surgery in case the patient doesn't go through with the surgery. I went to the bank to try and get it figured out after his receptionist called, he took everything…my father has left me with nothing. All the money my mother insisted he give me for school, _to live_, he took it all." And she started to break down again, tears landing on the pillow in her arms.

Beca rubbed her back soothingly as she sobbed wanting desperately to comfort her.

"He waited until she was sick; he waited until she was in the hospital to do this. It's not fair! I'm going to have to deal with having _it_ the rest of my life." She screamed crying even harder, punching the pillow in her lap violently. By the point she was crying so much she could barely see but this didn't deter more tears from falling.

"Hey, look, you're beautiful no matter what, Bree. I'll love you no matter what happens." Beca said, leaning over to try and kiss Aubrey only to be pushed away violently.

Aubrey looked over at Beca and frowned at her through glassy eyes.

"Would you stop saying that? I'm not beautiful ok, I'm not! I'm disgusting and horrible and ugly and I wish you would stop lying to me ok. You don't love me ok, how could you love someone like me! I'm not beautiful, I'm not! I'm not! I'm not beautiful!" she screamed, before falling into Beca's arms allowing her emotions to overwhelm her once again.

"You are beautiful Aubrey; please don't let your father kill your spirit." The DJ insisted as she tried once again to reach out to her girlfriend.

Aubrey separated from Beca abruptly, wiping at her tears.

"Beca, nothing you say will change the reality of this situation. Nothing will make me feel better so although I appreciate the attempt, I just want to be left alone." And with that, she stood up and walked into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Beca looked at her bedroom door dejectedly. She wanted to follow her but by the way the older woman was acting she knew that it probably wasn't a good idea. Never had she felt so helpless. Picking up the keys she left by rejected pizza boxes, she left Aubrey alone. Making her way back to her car, she sighed in exhaustion, prepared to spend the night parked outside her girlfriend's apartment.

* * *

Aubrey slowly made her way down the hall to her mother's hospital room praying that her family had gone home. When she turned the corner, she exhaled in relief. She was alone. She had never been particularly close to her mother, even when her father was especially cruel. However, she knew that the older Posen's days were limited and no matter how neglected she felt by her mother, she knew she need to be there to see her through these last days.

When she arrived in the room her mother was sitting up in bed picking at what Aubrey assumed was dinner.

"Mom" She called out meekly. Mrs. Posen turned towards her and smiled brightly at her.

"Aubrey, my darling." She reached out her arms, as far as she could without pulling out the IV in her hand.

"Come closer." She continued pulling Aubrey towards her and into a tight hug. The entire thing caught the Bella off guard, not being able to recall the last time her mother had ever hugged her.

"I love you so much my sweet child." She said, kissing the side of Aubrey's temple.

"I love you too mom. Are you feeling ok?" she asked as she separated from her. Mrs. Posen smiled weakly at her before lying back down.

"Yes I am. I'm just so glad to see you. It's been so long since I've last seen you. Three years?"

"Five. It's been five years." Aubrey corrected sadly.

"Yes it has. You left when you were fifteen, still a baby. It's just that Richard doesn't let us even mention you at all. Jennifer—she is, well—Eric he still loves you and asks about you every now and then. Aubrey I don't want you to ever think we—I stopped loving you when you left."

"I didn't leave, Mom. He kicked me out."

"But you didn't have to agree to go. I wouldn't have let him do that to you." She took a hold of her daughter's hands, grasping them tightly between her cold hands as she tried to explain her past actions.

"Well, I wouldn't have survived if I stayed in that house."

"I know." Mrs. Posen sighed, looking down at their joined hands. Looking up once again, she reached a hand out to touch Aubrey's cheek.

"You really are beautiful."

Aubrey felt herself smiling despite how angry she wanted to be for all the past hurt her mother caused. She may have never physically hurt her in the way her father did, but she inflicted damage all the same by not protecting her. By not being there when her _daughter _need her. Hearing her mother's words bought her back to the night before and her argument with Beca.

Beca.

The thought of the night before and her surgery caused her to cry despite herself and before she could catch the tears, her mother wiped them away.

"I'm so sorry, Aubrey, for not being the mother that you needed."

"It's ok. You were never the one to blame for all that I suffered." Aubrey stated simply trying to control her tears that now flowed freely.

"You were always so forgiving and patient with me. Your patience is a virtue and trusts me, dear, that patience will pay off. Don't worry no matter how grim the future may seem, just know that your mother loves her beautiful girl and will do whatever she needs to make sure you're happy."

Aubrey smiled at her mother and hugged her. She didn't quite understand the implications of her mother's words but she couldn't help the large swell of love she had for her mother at that moment.

"I love you so much mom." She cried.

"I—" but her sentence was cut short by her mother shaking abruptly in her arms.

"Mom, are you ok?" Aubrey asked but Mrs. Posen didn't respond, instead falling back to the bed, violent spasms coursing through her body.

Standing up and running to the door she yelled as loudly as she could.

"Someone help! Please! Help! Help!"

Nurses rushed past her, one quickly making her way to her mother's side as another reached across Mrs. Posen's body to try and hold her still. The nurse began to check her pulse and pupils.

"She's seizing. Get Dr. Williams in here immediately!" she instructed to one of the other idle nurses. When the doctor arrived, Aubrey was ushered out of the room and she was forced to watch as they tried to stop her mother's seizure which seemed to go on for hours. When they finally managed to stop her tremors a doctor came out to inform her that they were able to stop the seizures, an effect of her tumor, by putting her into a medically induced coma. All the words after that seemed to blur together after that. Aubrey couldn't help but feel she was being punished. She was finally going to have a second chance with her mother and just like that, in the same way everything in her life had, it was snatched from her.

Fishing out her phone, she called the one person she knew she needed.

* * *

When Beca rushed through Aubrey's front door in search of her girlfriend she was surprised to see the blonde sitting on the couch cradling a large bottle of Jack Daniels to her chest. Aubrey had called her in tears asking that she come to her apartment. Unfortunately, Beca was an hour away from campus. She drove as fast as she could without breaking the law and when she arrived she was greeted with a very intoxicated Aubrey.

"Bree? Are you ok?" she asked, sitting next to the blonde on the couch.

"Yup. I'm great. I'm not having surgery next week. I still have a dick and my mother's dying. Yup, my life is fucking perfect!" she shouted sarcastically.

"Hey, give me the bottle, Bree. I think you've had enough" Beca smirked, trying to snatch the bottle from the blonde.

Aubrey shook her head and refused to give her the bottle.

"I called you so that you could make me feel better, not worse. Have a drink with me and help me forget about my terrible life." She instructed, pouring Beca a glass of Jack.

"No, I don't want any."

"Beca, take the fucking glass." She seethed, pushing the glass into the DJ's hands.

"Are you sure about this?" Beca questioned, taking the glass apprehensively.

"Yes, let's get drunk and watch those movies you left here yesterday."

And that's what they did. They managed to finish off 3 bottles of Jack Daniels as well as another bottle of vodka as they watch _A Walk to Remember_ and _The Notebook_, leaving both women sloppily drunk.

"That's bullshit, no gets a happy ending like that." Beca yelled, throwing her glass at the TV.

"No they don't. " Aubrey commented bitterly.

Beca looked over at her and when she saw that her girlfriend was crying, she immediately went to comfort her.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad." She said, placing a hand under Aubrey's chin so that she would look at her.

"It's not your fault. It's my screwed up life."

"No it's not. I'm an insensitive asshole. Let me kiss it and make it better." She smiled, leaning in to kiss Aubrey. However, what was meant to be a simple peck on the lips turned into a heated passionate kiss with neither wanting to break for air. Beca straddled Aubrey's legs, her hand accidently brushing the blonde's groin.

"I'm sorry." She whispered as she pulled her hand back. Aubrey quickly grabbed it and placed it back between her legs.

"No, don't stop." She breathed. Beca looked at her seriously. Even through her intoxicated state, she remembered the conversation they had regarding Aubrey's genitals. So to have the older Bella telling her to touch her brought her pause.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes. I want you to touch me. I want to touch you…I want to have sex with you tonight." She whispered. Beca searched her eyes for any hesitation and for the first time, she saw none. Against her better judgment, she leaned down to kiss her girlfriend, her hands freeing the brown leather of Aubrey's belt from its clasp.

_**This was supposed to be longer but I thought I'd end it here , the next chapter will be up sometime tomorrow or Tuesday since I'm really tired and I'm posting this later than I intended.**_


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